Daily Post #90

Calories in: 1208
Calories out: 3227
Difference: 2019

Way back when I first got going The Sister and I would go to the local high school's track and walk around it a few time and even jog once in awhile. We probably did about a mile and a half to two miles on good days, and I was always a sore, sweaty mess afterwards. After awhile I got better at it, and learned to enjoy the jogging part, and was even able to jog half a mile without stopping. Then I messed up my knee somehow and decided to give jogging a rest and pursue other forms of fitness.

Yesterday I did the first workout of the Couch to 5K program after I posted. I couldn't believe how much I'd missed jogging. While I was working out I felt amazing and for the first time ever I didn't feel like a fool when I was running. Usually a feel a little like Kermit the Frog, flailing around. But yesterday I felt contained and in control, and I can only assume that I looked that way too.

When I was looking at the program I though the first week workouts looked a little too easy for me, but decided to give it a shot and see if I should start there. I'm glad I did because my legs are so sore today it hurts to move. And I love it! I've never been so excited about a workout in my entire life. I'm really looking forward to working through the program and becoming one of those people at the gym who seem to run forever.

My only other encounter with running was sprinting in field hockey, and I was never very good at it. I realize now that it was probably because it was all too much too soon. I was going from doing no running to intense running without any chance to adjust in between. I'm really looking forward to progressing and doing this now. It was embarrassing when I couldn't keep up with the team, and being able to run now would be like getting some kind of closure on what I consider some of the worst times in high school. I'm going to do this, and I'm doing it for me.

Here's my new schedule for working out:

Monday: Weights/Couch to 5K
Tuesday: Cardio
Wednesday: Weights/Couch to 5K
Thursday: Cardio
FRiday: Weights/Couch to 5K
Saturday: Light Cardio @ Home
Sunday: The Day of Rest

What do you think?

Daily Post #85-89 (213.6)

Calories in: 5980
Calories out: 16068
Difference: 10088

(Numbers above are for the last 5 days.)

I can't believe it's been five days since I last wrote here. I never realize how busy school makes me until I start missing my vacation habits, like writing in here. Luckily I've been exercising consistently, and still eating pretty well. This last week I ate a lot of foods that I consider okay once in awhile (cheeseburgers, french fries, fast food salads, candy, spaghetti & sausage, bacon, orange juice) so it doesn't surprise me that I only lost 1.2 pounds this week, putting me .8 pounds from 40 pounds lost. My portions were all responsible, but the quality of the food, and the benefits of eating those foods, are far less then when I had been eating.

This week it's back to eating like a nutrition conscious being. Salads and grilled chickens, fish, yogurt, low-cal soups, lots of veggies and fruit. And water! I've been slacking hardcore on water as I've apparently re-discovered my love for diet Dr.Pepper. Not awful, but not good.

I'm thinking of re-vamping my gym program to avoid the touch of boredom I've been feeling. The most recent post at angryfatgirls got me thinking that I've been doing the same old same old for awhile now and it may be time to step it up a notch. I'm not much of a runner, but I was thinking about trying The Couch to 5K Program. I definitely feel the need for a challenge as I did 40 minutes on my home elliptical on Saturday and was bored and disappointed (and thrilled, all at once) with how easy it had become.

Daily Post #84

Calories in: 1180
Calories out: 3436
Difference: 2256

I love when I wake up in the morning and I just know that I'm going to have a good, productive day. Got my groceries done, went to class, hit the post office, did some cleaning, went to the gym, and did some errands. It feels really good to have done something today, instead of just sitting around. Without having a job I can tend to get sucked into a very sedentary routine, so the days when I have to go up and down the stairs to my apartment more then once are big days for me. I guess I just felt good today, something I never really experienced at a heavier weight.

Sometimes I can't get over just how much better I feel. Not just lighter, but happier. I never realised how much food and exercise plays a role in my disposition, but I definitely notice a difference that makes me wonder why I haven't been doing this my whole life.

Daily Post #83

Calories in: 1145
Calories out: 3470
Difference: 2325

A few things I made a mental note to talk about today:

1. I should never got to the gym around 5:00 if I intend to do weights. It's nearly impossible to get on the machines you need, people take forever to do their sets, and I swear I saw one guy napping on the leg press. And speaking of the leg press, why is there only one of these for the entire gym to use? I had to keep myself busy doing other things for forty five minutes tonight before it was free long enough for me to snag it. That is not cool. So, no gym for me at 5:00, way too frustrating.

2. I got curious yesterday and checked out how my BMI has change since October, when I first decided to move my mass around a little more. When I first started I was 46.3 and fell in the MORBID OBESE category. Morbid, indeed. Since then I have dropped my BMI seven points and now qualify as SEVERELY OBESE. Who knew that being severely obese could be an improvement?

3. So, I keep having these dreams when I'm working out at the gym, looking at sweaty but still totally adorable, and I meet a nice guy who has weigh problems too but is in the weight-loss groove just like me. We become workout buddies whilst commiserating over how mean people can be to you when you're fat. Eventually we fall madly in love and become a gorgeous super-star celebrity power couple not unlike Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie and live happily ever after with our adopted children. Really.

Daily Post #81, 82 (214.8)

Calories in: 2499
Calories out: 6306
Difference: 3807

Challenge: All is well on the water front, though school has posed a challenge as leaving to pee every 15 minutes will probably get on my professor's nerves.

Weighed in this morning a 214.8, a four pound loss from last week. Got to love the momentum my body has right now. It's dropping weight like nobodies business. I have to give myself some credit though, as I'm still working out 5-6 times a week and keeping calories around 1200 every day.

I've been on the hunt for jeans the last few days and with minimal success. I no longer can wear a pair of 22s without looking like a frumpy bag lady, but most of my 20's are out-dated, too short, or worn to death, since the last time I was a 20 was in early high school years (about 5 years ago). I went to Old Navy, a tried and true source for size 20 pants, and it turns out the chain closest to me doesn't carry any sizes above 18. Well okay. Since they were having a major sale I picked up some 18s (for $6!) for later. I went to my mom's today to drop off a movie and my mom gave me a pair of 20s that fit really well and a pair of 18s that fit me and make my thighs look positively small.

I need to take a moment and just say that I cannot recall ever wearing an 18. I swear I went from children's clothes straight to 20s. Pardon my squeal, but, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I can wear size 18 pants now!

Daily Post #79, 80

Calories in: 2349
Calories out: 6535
Difference: 4186

School started back up this week, and with that and my mom's surgery I've been more then busy. I'm still keeping things in check though, exercising as often as possible, and eating sensibly. I'm sort of functioning on auto-pilot when it comes to this weight loss stuff lately, which isn't a bad thing, but it more of a maintenance strategy then one to lose weight. Ah well, sometimes life gets in the way.

My mother's surgery went better then anyone expected it to. She has a history of having pretty serious complications whenever she has surgery (which is way more often then I can even begin to explain right now) but this time she pulled through like a champ. I went and visited her in the hospital on Thursday night and she was up and talking, watching TV, eating. I brought her home from the hospital yesterday and she was itching to start baking and do the laundry. She bounced back like it was nothing, and she'd had surgery on her spinal cord less than 48 hours before. The woman blows my mind.

Thank you all so much for your kind words in my last post. I haven't sorted things out with my brother just yet, but I did talk to my sister about it and we both feel we need to talk to him about the things he's been saying lately about everyone wanting him to be fat. I'm sure it'll come to a head eventually, and hopefully we can enlighten him to the proper way to deal with emotional stress.

I hope everyone out there in blog world is doing well! I haven't had much of a chance to read blogs lately, but hope to catch up on it this weekend. Congrats to Michelle on her Biggest Loser call back, I know we're all rooting for you!

Daily Post #77, 78

Calories in: 2733
Calories out: 6937
Difference: 4204

Water: Not so awesome, but not awful.

I'm glad I went to the gym before I went over to my parents tonight, because I know if I had planned to go afterwards I wouldn't have gone. It's amazing how the people you love the most in the world are the ones that some times stress you out the most.

I have a younger brother who is in the hight of his teenage angst. I didn't see him tonight, but before I arrived he got my mom all worked up. See, he has this weird habit of never eating anything my mom cooks for him. He'll eat McDonalds every day, but he won't touch the food that the rest of the family thinks is delicious. My mom is an excellent cook, something she's very proud of, and the fact that he won't eat anything she makes has always sort of offended her. Tonight he finally told her why he wouldn't eat her food. The reason? He claims that the food she makes is the reason my family has a history of being fat. That's the word he used, fat. My sister was fat, my dad is fat, and I'm fat.

He thinks she made us fat. My poor mother. Of all the things in the world that have made me weigh what I do, I never once considered my mother the source of my fatness. When she told me about this, she had tears in her eyes and I could have beat my brother up for saying what he said to her. I know that she wishes she could fix all of my problems, and she does usually, but she can't fix my fat and now she thinks it's her fault.

To make matters worse, my mom is going in for serious spinal surgery tomorrow, and she's got my brother's mean words hanging over her head. I just feel so awful. I assured her that I don't blame her for my weight, that I never have, and that it's my deal and my issue, but I know she doesn't believe me. The last thing I want is for her to be going into this surgery feeling like a bad mother, or doubting herself in any way.

I don't know, the whole situation just makes me sad and frustrated. And I really don't know what to do about it.

Daily Post #76 (218.8)

Calories in: 1158
Calories out: 3505
Difference: 2347

Water: 8/8 glasses

I'm not sure what I was so freaked out about last night, but weigh in went just fine thank you very much. Down 2.8 pounds this week, landing me in the two-teens! That means that I have lost almost seven of these! I haven't been in the two-teens in years and years and years. Not even in high school, not even the last time I went on a crazy restriction diet. I am elated, and I feel more determined then ever to just DO WORK and get this done. You know, just do it (Thanks, Nike!). Thank you all for your good lucks last night, once I read them I felt better. You all are the best, really!

The weather in Maine has finally taken a turn towards winter. The new ice and snow on the ground presents a couple of problems for me when it comes to fitness. First, I hate driving in the snow and I do it as little as possible. Last year I got in three car accidents in two days because of snow, so you can understand my hesitation to leave the house whenever it gets slick outside. Yesterday when I woke up and looked out the window everything looked good, no snow on the ground, the sky was a little gloomy, but everything looked just fine for me to go out and head to the gym. I took one step out my front door and BAM, slid down my entire front steps, ass first, down to the very bottom. My cousin happened to be outside, salting his driveway and helped me up and over to my sisters where I spent the day whining about my sore booty and cooking cupcakes.

So, the gym didn't happen yesterday which could be the reason for my sour mood last night. I blame my broken butt.

That being said, I did work out today. I finally climbed back on my good old elliptical and cranked out about an hour and then did some ab exercises on the living room floor with my cat jumping all over me. Working out at home is okay, and I'll do it when I have to, but you really can't beat the gym. Who would have thought three months ago that I would be the crazy gym-bunny I've become!?

Daily Post #74, 75

Calories in: 2400
Calories out: 6249
Difference: 3849

Water: 16/16 glasses

Things have been quietly busy over here. I don't seem to be doing much, but I always feel like I'm out doing something. My focus is a little blurry right now, and I'm trying to bring it back in and get my head back into the game. This doesn't mean that I've been cheating or anything, in fact I'm feeling pretty good about the decisions I'm making, but I feel the potential to slip inching up on me and I know if I don't address it I won't be able to overcome it.

Tomorrow is a weigh-in day and, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous about it. The past few weeks my losses have been smaller and smaller, which I'm worried will slide me right into a plateau. With my morale sagging a little, I could really use a good number, even if that number isn't suppose to be a big deal.

Perhaps I'll feel better tomorrow, after a hard workout, with a clear head.

Daily Post #73

Calories in: 1092
Calories out: 3462
Difference: 2370

Water: Not sure of total amount, but definitely drank 8 glasses

Nothing much to say today.

Daily Post #72

Calories in: 993
Calories out: 2993
Difference: 2040

Water: Not so good, a very busy day

We have a little market in town that I visit occasionally for fresh produce. I don't go there very often since I usually do my groceries in one fell swoop and this place only have fruits and veggies,no meats and limited dairies. My mom and I went this afternoon and I got green peppers, cucumbers, lettuce, onions, grapes, apples, and pears. Everything came to under ten dollars! Wowza, I think I need to go there more often.

This afternoon I made this recipe to bring over to The Sisters. I do my laundry there every Thursday and she usually makes me a nice dinner while I'm there so I thought I'd return the favor. While it isn't inherently Diet Friendly I've decided not to sweat it. I think every food is Diet Friendly so long as you eat it properly. Besides, this isn't a diet. Right?

I think that's the best thing about the way I've been eating. I haven't been depriving myself of anything that I want. Every indulgence I feel I deserve I give myself, but in a responsible portion. Maybe that's what's different about this time around, usually I swear off bread, or chocolate, or everything remotely tasty, and this time I'm eating, well, normal. I know that this is a long term thing I'm trying to do and there's no way I can live my life without the occasional cheeseburger.

Somehow, I feel like I've discovered a dieting secret. Or maybe just finally understood one that was in front of me all this time: Moderation.

Daily Post #71

Calories in: 1200
Calories out: 3629
Difference: 2429

Challenge Day 9: 92/64 oz.

I haven't been sore from working out in a really long time, but today I'm definitely feeling it. My legs ache when I climb the stairs to my apartment and my arms feel like noodles. It's sort of nice to know I'm working hard enough to feel the effects, but at the same time I just feel tired. This makes me wonder about over training, which I know nothing about. Is there a way to tell when you've reached a point where you just need to rest?

Everyone in the challenge seems to being doing so well! You all are so inspiring and helpful and I'm so glad I joined. It's definitely motivating to know that other people are doing what you're doing and you have that support. You guys rock!

Daily Post #70

Calories in: ~1247
Calories out: 3500
Difference: ~2253

Challenge Day 8: 84/64 oz. (I'm kicking ass on my water!)

My calorie count is a little off today, since I'm not sure of the total calories in the fajitas I had for dinner. They were very small, and the box says 320 for two but I don't know if that includes meat and cheese. So it's an estimate. No worries, a little over won't kill me.

I had the hardest time getting to the gym today. I just didn't feel like going. I was so comfortable in my pajamas. But I sucked it up and went, and got a good 1 hour workout in. I even tried jogging again and got through a quarter of a mile before I couldn't breathe. I use to be able to jog so much more, but my damn knee won't cooperate.

A good day overall. Didn't get much done, but that's what vacations are for!

Daily Post #69 (221.6)

Calories in: 1129
Calories out: 3663
Difference: 2534

Challenge Day 8: 84/64 oz

Weigh in day! I'm down another two pounds, which is astounding to me. I feel like I drank my weight in wine this weekend. Oh well, I must have done something right!

True to my word, today was quite a busy day. I was at the gym with The Sister by 7:00 this morning, where I yawned while using the leg press. I was maybe a little over-zealous on my elliptical last night and my knees are sore today so I spent a lot of time on arms and less time on cardio/fat burn stuff. Still broke a hell of a sweat though, and when I left at 8:00 I felt good.

Next stop was my doctors for my annual physical. A few years ago I switched over to the lady doctor at this particular office and since then I haven't dreaded a physical. She's much more understanding of my concerns and I was happy to discuss my body issues with her. Apparently when I had a blood test last March my thyroid came back as being a little under active but the issue was pushed aside because my gallbladder was filled to the brim with stones and needed to be removed. She took another blood test today to check the thyroid again and make sure it's not getting worse or to see if it's at a level where we needs to take some action.

Can you imagine if all this time I had an under active thyroid that was working against me? Come on body, get with the program!

I also got my first Gardisal vaccination (The complete vaccination takes 2 more shots). My mother had cervical cancer about 2 years ago, which means my chances of getting it are increased, so when it was offered to me I said definitely yes. If you haven't already been vaccinated you should check it out - why not decrease your chance of getting cervical cancer?

After the doctors I returned some movies, applied for a credit card, got on my school's ass about my graduation forms, and cleaned up the puddles of beer left over from Saturday night's party. All I need to do now is pick up the black hole that I call my bedroom and I'm done my chores for the day!

ETA: Because I worked out so early this morning, I decided, since I had the time, to go to the gym again this afternoon. Gotta love high motivation days! I really want to be out of the 220s this week and I don't want to have any regrets or what ifs if I miss that mark.

Daily Post #68

Calories in: 1610
Calories out: 3605
Difference: 1995

Challenge Day 7: 68/64 oz

I had my final Christmas gathering this afternoon. For some reason one side of my family can never seem to get it together until a few weeks after Christmas. It's sort of become a tradition to wait until we're mid-January before we all get together. Because of this event, I ate about 400 calories over my usual today and I blame it on an unneccesary scoop of dip, and a piece of corn bread. Or maybe on the liquor that was flowing freely.

I heard one cousin say "I need to lose 20 pounds by August", another say "Today I'm going to pig out, and then tomorrow, it's back on the diet!" and another replied, "Yea, I'm on the "C" diet. If I see it, I eat it."

Then there was the illicit pizza eating of this evening. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have gone near these things with a ten foot pole.

I'm hitting the gym early tomorrow to try and kick things in my life back up a notch. I feel my patterns getting redundant and I'm ready to shake things up and get going again. I have school things to sort out, resumes to perfect, an apartment to clean, and tons of errands to make. I'll think of it as part of the new lifestyle, the more I'm out getting things done - the less I'm sitting at home watching VH1.

Daily Post #67

Calories in: 1200(ish?)
Calories out: 3206
Difference: 2006

I can't even explain the crazy party that manifested in my living room tonight.

And I had the worst restaurant food of my life.

But I'm too tipsy to relate just now, so I'll save it for the AM.

Thank you all for the wonderful comments! You have no idea how great it is to come home to such encouraging words.

Daily Post #66

Calories in: 1125
Calories out: 3262
Difference: 2137

Challenge Day 5: ~80/64 oz

Today I threw out my size 22 pants and pranced around my apartment in my size 20s!

Daily Post #65

Calories in: 1200
Calories out: 3600
Difference: 2400

Challenge Day 4: ~68/64oz

Sometimes I love coming hom from a night out and hoping on my elliptical for 20 minutes. Maybe it doesn't make sense, but it really calms me down and has an unwinding effect for me. Sometimes I'll be pushing away on my elliptical as late as 11:30 at night, just to get that feeling.

What's odd is that y workout in the morning does just the opposite; it gets me going and pumped for the day. When I exercise in the AM I tend to get more done during the day, and have troule loungeing around.

I think it's the peacefulness of working out, showering, and getting into clean pajamas. I feel cleansed and refreshed. I'm so ready for bed!

The 'Fridge Challenge

The folks over at the challenge are all posting pictures of the insides of their refrigerators, and I finally got around to snapping some shots of mine. There isn't ever much in my fridge since I live alone and don't work. I only buy what I need and I only shop when I'm completely out of things to eat. It's the college student way!


The Sad Insides

On the top shelf we've got my tiny jug of milk. I'm not a big milk drinker, but I do have some with my cereal in the morning. Next to that, some margarine and fat free cottage cheese. Next we have some fresh veggies made into a salad, some carrots, a bag of green grapes, low fat cheese, and some celery.

Second shelf is my party shelf! Light cranberry juice, a bottle of Midori, a lot of really bad beer, and some super cheap vodka (all stuff left over from a New Years party). I hardly ever drink so that stuff will be there forever. I have some soy eggnog left over from the holidays (I've only had one glass of it. It probably isn't good anymore.) and an orange juice container that I use to keep cold water on hand.

The bottom shelf has more salad and a sad little sweet potato, just waiting to be eaten. No picture of what's in the bottom drawer since it's empty.


Door O' Condiments

In the door I have your general condiments; mustard, ketchup, bbq sauce, and a few different salad dressings. The top shelf also has a big jar of sour pickles - my secret weapon for killing cravings.

The bottom shelf has salsa, pepperoncinis, more salad dressing, an open can of soup, and a huge bottle of aloe for all my cuts and burns. I'm sickeningly white so I sizzle like bacon in the summer, so yes, all that aloe is neccesary :)


Freezer of a Single Girl

In the freezer I have very little. Next to the (empty) ice cube trays is some frozen yogurt (B&J's Cherry Garcia - I don't really like it), and chicken from the meat counter. Next to that are bags of frozen veggies (broccoli, mixed, and butternut squash). To the far right is a whole chicken that was on sale at the store for two dollars (score!) that I'll use to make soup or add to a salad, and about a bajillion freeze pops left over from this summer. No picture of the door, since there's nothing in it.

I just realized the alcohol to food ratio in my fridge is kind of whacked. I swear it's not always like that!

Daily Post #64

Calories in: 1024
Calories out: 3488
Difference: 2464

Challenge Day 3: ~70/64 oz

Had a busy day (Victoria's Secret's Semi-Annual sale was calling my name) and didn't get to eat as much as I usually do. Sad story, right?

At the gym this morning I saw a guy that I worked with last summer. I didn't get a chance to talk to him, but saw him from afar and had a tiny moment of panic. Oh, God. I can't believe he's here and can actually see me right now. I'm all sweaty and red, I'm positive I don't smell my very best, and I'm wearing two different socks. This is awful.

And then, just like that, I didn't care. I was over it. I realized that getting a good workout was way more important to me then looking foxy for some guy.

Immediately my thoughts turned to Yes, I'm a big girl and right now I'm sweating but that's just how it is. At least I'm doing something about it! And I almost wanted to run in to him so he could see that I don't care if he sees me at my most unattractive.

I guess I'm mentioning all of this because it's kind of a big deal to not be embarassed at the gym. Sha-Dizzle mentioned exercise embarassment in her most recent post, and sometimes I get a touch of it. Most of the time I'm the biggest person there and usually it doesn't phase me, but I'm human and there are times where I'm ashamed of my size. Getting over this has been huge when it comes to working out. I'm not scared to get disgusting when I'm at the gym, because I know that means I'm working hard. Besides, if the people at the gym are anything like me, they're more concerned about themselves and their workout then anyone else.

Daily Post #63

Calories in: 1200
Calories out: 3433
Difference: 2233

Challenge Day 2: 70/64oz

Wow, thanks to everyone who has commented in the last few days. I feel like my blog exploded! The advice and well wishes are really appreciated and very encouraging.

And now for some TMI concerning inner thighs. If you don't care to know, don't continue reading :)

- - - - - -

While showering today I noticed several dark spots on my inner thighs. I've had blisters there before from chafing (hot days + skirts + 250 pounds = ouch) and I assume that these are scars left over from that. But they're really dark and look like bruises.

So my question is, does anyone else have these? And, does anyone have any information on whether or not they'll go away in time? Is there anything I can do to get rid of them or lessen their appearance? Will I always have an unattractive reminder of my big thighs?

Collar Bones!

So I'm sitting here, reading some blogs, watching some tv, and I reach over my shoulder to scratch an itch. And what's that? What is that that I feel my wrist resting on? It's not my soft pillow neck and shoulder that I remember from iches past...

Why, it's my collar bone!

Hello collar bone! Welcome to the world!

Daily Post #61,62 (223.6)

Calories in: 2440
Calories out: 6884
Difference: 4444

Challenge Day 1: 84/64 oz.

It's a new year! And a year that I have a feeling will be good to me. For once, it is January first and I feel confident and satisifed with my plans for the next year. This will be the last year I enter weighing more than 200 pounds, the year I graduate from college, the year I start living my life in a way that I am proud of. This year I want to get out there and do things. I want to get out of my comfort zone, meet new people, travel, experience things that scare me.

I haven't made any official resolutions, but I'm sticking with the changes I've been making in the last few months. I excersized every single day in December, without missing a beat. I've eaten responsibly every day since the end of October, and that's not to say I'm not having a blast the whole time. I've eaten pizza, hamburgers, mashed potatos, ice cream, chips, you name it! But all in proper portions with a side of cardio.

This is working for me (I lost another 3.2 pounds this week!), so I don't feel the need to make any resolutions to push myself into self-pressure panic mode. 2007 is going to be about focus and fun, and I can't wait to get started.