#118 Just Doin' My Thing (197.2)

Oh what a week I've had! The places I've been, the things I've seen, the bars I've single handedly drank. I've been readjusting, getting caught up (well, sort of) in school, and spending time with family and friends. My mother is on a mission currently to become a contestant on Deal or no Deal so I've been helping her with the application and audition video. The picture is of a cake she made for the tape - it's a Deal or No Deal case! It's amazing in person and also very delicious, because yes, I had a bite of that case and it tasted like a million bucks.

Despite the cake - and copious amounts of beer - I weighed in this week at 197.2! Holy crap! Even away for a week on vacation and then another week of just trying to function after my vacation I managed to shed another 4.6 pounds. This lands me solidly in the 100s! A 200 pound girl I shall never again be.

I guess it goes without saying that things are going well with the weight-loss fitness stuff. I didn't get to work out as much as I wanted last week but I tried not to let that discourage me. I feel more confident than ever that food just might not be a problem for me anymore. Somewhere, somehow, I think I made my peace with food and decided that it isn't evil, that we can work together, that I can have a little and it's not a bad thing. I've learned how to make 1200 calories go a very long way and I've never been happier with the way I'm eating. I feel, for the first time in my life, like I get to make the decisions - not my food. This is huge.

As far as the challenge goes... I could be doing better. The forty day challenge has been easy as can be, getting up at 8 isn't a problem anymore and I really enjoy having that extra couple of hours in the morning to do whatever. Eat my breakfast, watch the news, pick up around the house, just be generally productive.

My other challenge, to keep up the Couch to 5K and to use Paul the Ball daily hasn't gone so well. I have been using Paul but not as often as I had hoped and I've all but stopped the Cto5K program. I didn't run at all over vacation and it's like I lost my running mojo somewhere over the ocean. I'm still chipping away at my running times though, progressing very slowly every time I hop on the treadmill. I guess I just lost my enthusiasm for it, so I'm taking it easy on the running. I'm sure, when I get the bug again, I'll get right back on track. I'm still getting in a full hour workout as often as possible (ideally 5 to 6 days a week) so it's not like I'm slacking, just switching it up.

I'm also really behind on reading blogs. I have a test to take tonight, but then, if I don't get sidetracked, I'm going to do my very best to make the rounds. I've been a horrible partner to Carrie this month, for which I apologize. March is whizzing right by me and I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do what I want!

Also, before I forget, Jeannie, I got a letter in the mail today from the USPS that said the envelope I sent your present in was found empty. I'm not sure if the present ever reached you, so let me know and if that's the case I'll see what I can do to rectify the situation. I've never had this happen before! I'll be so sad if it never got to you.

#116 My Triumphant Return

Well, I'm back from the wild world that was Spain. The details are a little foggy but I can report, for sure, that a better vacation was never had. It was relaxing and adventurous all at once and I wouldn't change a single second of it. I've never been more happy to see my old friends and spend quality time with them doing what we do best drinking, dancing, and debating. We did tons and tons of walking, and the picture to the right shows the Alhambra Palace which was one hell of a climb, let me tell you. The views were well worth it.

It's worth noting that I got the best feedback one could possibly get from them concerning my weight loss. My best gay friend told me several times that I looked just fabulous, and one of his friends that I'd met only once before told me that I looked like a different person - happy and healthy. I was even referred to as pretty once! Woah! We went out one night and a guy grabbed me from my seat and swirled me around the dance floor, accepting nothing less then a dance with me before I laughed my way to the exit. Honestly, I've never felt so good about myself as I did after that night. Someone picked me!

I think all of that has made me feel very comfortable where I'm at right now. I may or may not have gained a pound or two while I was gone, but I'm not really concerned about it. The number seems like such a tiny insignificant thing right now.

That's not to say that I'm so comfortable that I'm going to just hang out here. Now that I'm home I'm back to keeping a watchful eye on what I'm eating and I'm being sure to keep exercise in my daily routine. My first day back at the gym was yesterday and it went okay, with the only bump being that I had a really hard time doing any running at all. I'm not feeling particularly passionate about running at the moment so I'm not fretting, I still worked out hard and know that I didn't slack off which is the real point. I came home to find my cat had chewed through the electrical wires on my elliptical, but my dad thinks he can fix it, so we'll see. I can live without my at home machine but I really don't want to.

I'll be taking photos of my food for the challenge tonight and tomorrow, posting tomorrow night assuming nothing crazy comes up. Still trying to get my life back in order and get my body back on an American schedule.

I hope everyone had a wonderful week! I'll be making the rounds as soon as I get a chance!

#111 Metaphorical Body Armor (204.0)

It's Weigh-in Monday here at A Better Year and I'm happy to say I lost 4.6 pounds this week. Thanks to this lovely loss if I'm not under 200 by the time I leave for Spain I should be damn close.

I worry sometimes that I am losing way too quickly. Four month ago I was 50 pounds heavier and it feels almost like I snapped my fingers and found myself a mere four pounds from 200. I feel so lucky that this is working for me when other people seem to struggle week after week. I realize this is an excellent problem to have, losing weight quickly, but I don't want to be one of those women who looses a ton of weight only to bounce right back to where they started.

Mostly, I am so scared of what lies ahead. I've spent a lot of my life thinking that as soon as I was under 200 pounds everything would be different and certain aspects of my life would sort themselves out and I'd be this incredibly happy skinny chick that everyone envied. I am this close to leaving the 200s and I feel completely terrified to venture into unknown territory. I'm worried about losing my identity because being the sarcastic fat girl is what I've always done. I'm worried about gaining some confidence, getting out into the world, and being shot down and not having my weight to blame for it.

I literally feel like I'm shedding my armor and am about to be pelted with all kinds of painful social arrows. I didn't realize that losing weight could be this scary. Hopefully no one hates me for whining about losing weight, it's just that I'm nervous and need to vent and I know I'm going to feel like a jerk the second I post this. Egh.

What The Hell Am I Doing?

I've had a couple people ask me what the heck I'm doing to be dropping weight like I am. The short answer is, simply, eating less and moving more. Of course, it's not as simple as that, and if it was we'd all have move star bodies and blogs like this wouldn't exist.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why this time is different for me. What changed in the past year that made this possible for me now when I had failed so many times before? After thinking for awhile I realize there are four things I keep in mind every day, that I never thought about too much before.

1. Break A Sweat Every Day. I work out way more now then I ever have before. I try my best to get to the gym 5 days a week, and work out at home one day on the weekends. Sometimes I really don't feel like going, but I do it anyway. Sometimes I feel like cutting it short, but I never do. Also, I'm using the weights as often as I'm doing cardio. I stretch out before and after. I stay hydrated and keep good music flowing on my Ipod. I eliminate as many distractions as I can and then do work.

2. Getting Over Myself. This may be the hardest thing that I have changed, but I've really learned to let go. Gym Fear has plagued me in the past, and was definitely a contributing factor in past gym experiences. Then, one day I just got over it. I worked out my hardest no matter what was going on around me at the gym. I've worked out in front of friends, friend's boyfriends, ex-crushes, family members, and class mates. As soon as I decided to not let what other people might think about me effect what I was doing, my gym visits became more enjoyable and more beneficial.

3. Water, Water, More Water. I'm told that we lose weight through fluids, and I have to believe that that is true. The more water you drink, the better things flow. Every time I drink water I think of it as a water slide for my fat to glide out on. Plus, my complexion is better then it's ever been.

4. Writing Down What I Eat. This is a discipline that I would encourage anyone to try and get in to. It's enlightening to see where your calories come from and to experiment with different kinds of food to create a menu that's filling and also healthy. I eat about 1200 calories a day and have found that over time I've adjusted to eating that amount and even on days that I don't calculate my calories before eating I usually end up around there anyway. I don't drink my calories, and I snack all the time. Maybe most important is that I eat what I want, so long as I account for it somewhere. If I'm going to have a big dinner I'll have a smaller lunch. If I want to indulge in a big breakfast I'll take it easy on my other meals. I believe that the quality of the food you eat will make or break your success.

So, that's what I'm doing. Just truckin' along, applying my principles, eating and sweating. This is what's been working for me...What works for you?

Daily Post #93 & 94

Calories in: UNsure
Calories out: Unsure
Difference: Unsure

This weekend looks like it's going to be as challenging as the last few days of been. You know, when it rains it pours and all that. Food is everywhere right now and while I'm doing excellent with portions, pizza is never all that great for you.

But, here's why I'm not stressing out: My birthday is on Monday and it's expected that I'm going to have a good time. And my rings are loose on my fingers, so I'm making progress. I'm certainly not sacrificing fun on my birthday for a digital number in my bathroom.

Tonight I'm having dinner with the family, and my mom is cooking...something. I've been left out of the loop on purpose, but I'm sure it will be delicious and I'm looking forward to enjoying it. Plus, there should be cake, and I do love a little piece of cake.

Sunday is the Super Bowl and I'm making an apple pie at the request of my brother in law. I think we're having Nachos, and dip, and Roast Beef and Cabbage. Kind of a weird assortment, but we like to eat comfort foods while watching football.

Here's another reason I'm not stressing out: I'm wearing pants that didn't fit 2 weeks ago. It's all good.

A weekend of good times is certainly not going to kill me. I indulge more on my birthday then I do during the holidays. It's my time, I do with it what I want.

So I'm not stressing out. In fact, I feel pretty damn good.

Daily Post #64

Calories in: 1024
Calories out: 3488
Difference: 2464

Challenge Day 3: ~70/64 oz

Had a busy day (Victoria's Secret's Semi-Annual sale was calling my name) and didn't get to eat as much as I usually do. Sad story, right?

At the gym this morning I saw a guy that I worked with last summer. I didn't get a chance to talk to him, but saw him from afar and had a tiny moment of panic. Oh, God. I can't believe he's here and can actually see me right now. I'm all sweaty and red, I'm positive I don't smell my very best, and I'm wearing two different socks. This is awful.

And then, just like that, I didn't care. I was over it. I realized that getting a good workout was way more important to me then looking foxy for some guy.

Immediately my thoughts turned to Yes, I'm a big girl and right now I'm sweating but that's just how it is. At least I'm doing something about it! And I almost wanted to run in to him so he could see that I don't care if he sees me at my most unattractive.

I guess I'm mentioning all of this because it's kind of a big deal to not be embarassed at the gym. Sha-Dizzle mentioned exercise embarassment in her most recent post, and sometimes I get a touch of it. Most of the time I'm the biggest person there and usually it doesn't phase me, but I'm human and there are times where I'm ashamed of my size. Getting over this has been huge when it comes to working out. I'm not scared to get disgusting when I'm at the gym, because I know that means I'm working hard. Besides, if the people at the gym are anything like me, they're more concerned about themselves and their workout then anyone else.

Daily Post #51

Calories in: 1200
Calories out: 3540
Difference: 2340

Despite the fact that I'm eating less calories then I'm burning, I feel pretty confident that I'm going to maintain this week. I don't know, it's a funny intuition I keep getting. Probably because of the big loss last week.

Mking some fish, drinking a (small!) glass of soy eggnog. Chillin' with the cat.

Daily Post #44,45,46

For the last 3 days:

Calories Out: 10241
Calories In: 4145
Difference: 6090

Have no fear! My little disappearance does not indicate a wavering in my will to kick my fat in the ass. I've just been so terribly busy. First there were finals, then I helped my mother out with a ton of Christmas related affairs, then haircuts, and eyebrow waxing, and shoe shopping, and wrapping gifts, and MORE finals. The craziness is not yet over, but I really wanted to take a breather and put a little post up here.

I've been doing well. When it comes to food I sometimes get this strange feeling that I've "figured it out". Without any specific plan I've been able to keep my calories at a respectable level but I never feel like I'm starving or deprived. The compulsion to eat is still there occasionally, and peaks it ugly head out at me mostly when I'm bored, but to date I've had no problem keeping myself entertained enough to forget about the routine of eating when I'm bored.

Exercise is going along swimmingly. The days when I get to the gym I leave soaked with sweat, exhausted, and proud. My routine there has been something like 20-30 minutes cardio, 2 sets of 8 on each of my weight machines of choice, 30 minutes fat burn, and then 2 sets of 8 of a couple ab workouts. I get really into workout out, and it's not uncommon for me to stay there for almost two hours if I've got the time.

I don't want to gloat or act like I'm Supreme Queen Of All Things Diet, but I'm feeling pretty happy, confident, patient. I'm beginning to enjoy the act of eating better and listening to my body when it tells me I'm full. I enjoy working out for the adrenaline I get from it, and a little from feeling like I can hold my own in a gym full of big buff dudes. I'm beginning to feel like I'm finding what I love and that wieght loss might just be a happy side effect.

Hope everyone is doing well!