#123 In Which Life Gets Interesting

First, a happy Easter holiday to all out in blog land. I hope you all had the chance to spend time with your family and eat delicious holiday food and avoid your cousin who smells a little strange. I know I did! I wore the cutest outfit ever to my family's festivities, my favorite part of it being the size 16 jeans that make my butt look fabulous. Hurrah!

The past couple of days have just been a whirlwind. Just as things are coming to a close at school I've been informed that the building I live in is being sold and there's a good chance once the papers are signed I'll have 30 days to vacate. So between pulling together all of my academic stuff, feeling the pressure of needing to find a job pronto, and now apartment hunting I've just been all over the place.

Because of the hectic pace at which things seem to be happening right now my eating hasn't been nearly as strict as it once was. I'm cooking some fish right now which will be the first meal I've cooked at home in over three days. I'm certainly applying the portion size rules and saying a polite no thanks to things I know I shouldn't be eating, but it's hard to accomplish perfection when you're on the run.

I also haven't been working out as feverishly as I once did, for the same reasons. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to get my act together and return to the gym and if I'm feeling up to it tonight I hope to get on the elliptical for at least 30 minutes, just to keep up the momentum of working out. I did get in three solid workouts during this past week, and one day I shoveled snow for over an hour which I counted as my exercise for the day since I was soaked with sweat afterwards.

I guess all of this sounds a little like a disclaimer, just in case I don't happen to lose any weight this week. For some reason I'm suddenly not very concerned about the number and I'm more concerned about making sure I get everything done that's planned for the day and trying to get some sleep. Basically, I'm accomplishing my April goal of hanging in there. Things get a little crazy some times so I guess this will be good practice for keeping my weight/health in check in times of mayhem.

Hope everyone's weekend went well!

#104 The Ultimate Wardrobe Woe (209.0)

Another weigh in, another 3.2 pounds down! Apparently my body handles the sugar and alcohol that ran rampant in my diet this past week like a champ. Oh, merciful metabolism, I thank thee for being so kind this week.

Now on to the real purpose of this entry. I need a bathing suit. Egh. Urg. Blegh.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here before, but in about 4 weeks I'm going to be taking a trip to Marbella, Spain with some friends for Spring Vacation. I know, how very college student of me. This trip, which I've known about for about 9 months, was only a small part of my motivation to start moving around more, but now that I'm down forty four (!!!) pounds, the urge to get under 200 by March 10th is a strong one. I don't want to pressure myself into time limits, but wouldn't it be so freakin sweet to get on that plane weighing less than 200 pounds!? With only nine pounds to go, I have to believe it's entirely possible.

To the left is the suit that I've chosen. I'm sort of pale so I worry a little about the bright pink, but I think if I go tanning a few times I'll be able to pull it off. To be safe, I ordered two, one in a size 18 and another in a size 20. I have a very small window to find a suit that fits for this trip so I'm not taking any chances. Whatever doesn't fit is going back. So what do you guys think? Will this suit be able to handle for my big hips and not-exactly-taut stomach? I think the scrunch-i-ness in the front (clearly I have no fashion prowess) might hide some rolls, and the almost shorts like bottoms might cover some of the thighs. I ordered a cover-up as well because I know I'll probably never have the confidence to strut around in a bathing suit when not in a pool.

Bathing suits are so terrifying. I should have planned ski vacation!

Daily Post #93 & 94

Calories in: UNsure
Calories out: Unsure
Difference: Unsure

This weekend looks like it's going to be as challenging as the last few days of been. You know, when it rains it pours and all that. Food is everywhere right now and while I'm doing excellent with portions, pizza is never all that great for you.

But, here's why I'm not stressing out: My birthday is on Monday and it's expected that I'm going to have a good time. And my rings are loose on my fingers, so I'm making progress. I'm certainly not sacrificing fun on my birthday for a digital number in my bathroom.

Tonight I'm having dinner with the family, and my mom is cooking...something. I've been left out of the loop on purpose, but I'm sure it will be delicious and I'm looking forward to enjoying it. Plus, there should be cake, and I do love a little piece of cake.

Sunday is the Super Bowl and I'm making an apple pie at the request of my brother in law. I think we're having Nachos, and dip, and Roast Beef and Cabbage. Kind of a weird assortment, but we like to eat comfort foods while watching football.

Here's another reason I'm not stressing out: I'm wearing pants that didn't fit 2 weeks ago. It's all good.

A weekend of good times is certainly not going to kill me. I indulge more on my birthday then I do during the holidays. It's my time, I do with it what I want.

So I'm not stressing out. In fact, I feel pretty damn good.

Daily Post #81, 82 (214.8)

Calories in: 2499
Calories out: 6306
Difference: 3807

Challenge: All is well on the water front, though school has posed a challenge as leaving to pee every 15 minutes will probably get on my professor's nerves.

Weighed in this morning a 214.8, a four pound loss from last week. Got to love the momentum my body has right now. It's dropping weight like nobodies business. I have to give myself some credit though, as I'm still working out 5-6 times a week and keeping calories around 1200 every day.

I've been on the hunt for jeans the last few days and with minimal success. I no longer can wear a pair of 22s without looking like a frumpy bag lady, but most of my 20's are out-dated, too short, or worn to death, since the last time I was a 20 was in early high school years (about 5 years ago). I went to Old Navy, a tried and true source for size 20 pants, and it turns out the chain closest to me doesn't carry any sizes above 18. Well okay. Since they were having a major sale I picked up some 18s (for $6!) for later. I went to my mom's today to drop off a movie and my mom gave me a pair of 20s that fit really well and a pair of 18s that fit me and make my thighs look positively small.

I need to take a moment and just say that I cannot recall ever wearing an 18. I swear I went from children's clothes straight to 20s. Pardon my squeal, but, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I can wear size 18 pants now!

Daily Post #66

Calories in: 1125
Calories out: 3262
Difference: 2137

Challenge Day 5: ~80/64 oz

Today I threw out my size 22 pants and pranced around my apartment in my size 20s!

Daily Post #40

Exercise: 30 minutes stationary, 25 minutes elliptical, Ab routine

Calories in: 1236
Calories out: 3575
Difference: 2339

Going to the gym has become a sort of regular impulse for me. I don't wake up and wonder if I'll go to the gym today, because I already know that I will. It's not that I don't have a choice, it's just that I've already made the decision. I work it into my schedule as a priority. Going to the gym happens the same as going to the post office or the bank, it's an errand I run that just takes a little longer and requires showering.

I'm on the fence about my actual gym though. The staff are nice enough and the patrons have been friendly or mostly keep to themselves. A few days ago a man who was making his way around the gym by doing squats passed by the sister and I while we were doing our ab routine and was cheering us on, really encouraging us to give it our all. Normally I would be horrified that someone was paying attention to me at the gym (I like to pretend I'm invisble and no one can see the sweaty, gasping mess I become when I work out) but I was actually encouraged and worked a little harder.

Something that sort of shocked me though was that last monday as I was leaving they had about 10 pizzas delivered to the gym. They were placed in the waiting area, all hot and cheesy and waiting to be eaten. The smell filled the gym, and my stomache grumbled involuntarily. I;d been so good about staying away from temptation and there it was, in my gym, staring me in the face. What kind of gym supplies copious amounts of free pizza to it's customers? I didn't eat any, of course, but there it was and it astounded me.

The mom, sister, and I are going on another mini-trip this weekend, leaving tomorrow and returning Sunday. I'm getting really good at eating what I want but eating smaller amounts of it, so I feel good about this trip. We'll be gone all day tomorrow so no working out, but back in time Sunday to get in a good gym visit to end the week.

Oh! I wore a pea-coat today that I bought as a sophomore in highschool! With a sweater on! It never fit in highschool, but today I could button it and everything. It was a little lumpy, but nothing that I was embarassed by. I can't wait until I lose a few more inches and it's big enough to wear a bulky sweater underneath with room to spare. Fitting into clothes, so far, has been the best part of this.

Daily Post #23, or, I'm a Jogging Fool

Breakfast: Cereal, skim milk
Snack: Clif Bar
Lunch: Turkey Breast 6" sub from Subway (no cheese)
Dinner: Low sodium chili, salad

Exercise: 2 miles at track, 1.25 of it jogging (!!!)

My knees are going to be a big hot mess if I keep this up. I need to learn to stretch better or I'm going to hurt myself.

I feel better jogging than I do walking because my knees are all wonky and sore. I can't tell if this is normal workout pain or something I should be concerned about.

Got a membership at the local Planet Fitness today since it'll be full on winter before I know it and the track and cemetery won't be accessable. I'm a little grumpy about having to pay for a gym membership when there's a perfectly good street outside, but the winter in Maine is no time to be playing in the streets.

I bought a 14/16 sweater today. Probably some kind of fluke, but I'll take it. I tried on a pair of 20 pants at Lane Bryant and couldn't get them past my thighs. I wasn't too broken up about it though since I was wearing size 20 jeans while I was shopping.

My cute dress for Christmas came in and...it fits. It's only a little lumpy in the rear, but once I get the right underwear it'll look sassy and awesome. If there was an award for best dressed at a family function, I would consider myself a contender for the grand prize.

Daily Post #20

Breakfast: Slimfast
Lunch: Salad
Snack: 1/2 Clif Bar (I ate half then realized there's 250 calories in one. Yipes.)
Dinner: Lean Cuisine
Snack: A handful of frosted mini-wheat (maple & brown sugar)

Exercise: 1 mile at the cemetery, 2 miles at the track

I just realized how much sodium is in a Lean Cuisine. And I had been adding a dash of salt to some of them because they were bland! It's no wonder I feel like I'm retaining water like crazy.

The mini-trip I went on with the sister and mom went really well. We ate out twice and both times I made very sensible choices. They both are trying to be very good about what they eat so the lack of peer pressure made my good choices much easier.

I did get some new clothes while we were out, and was happy to find that I fit very comfortabley into sixe 18/20 shirts. I didn't try any pants as I was already cranky from impending-period blues and didn't need another excuse to be pouting.

Dad went for a jog with us this morning at the cemetery which was sort of nice. He's a big guy and getting up there in years so it's good he was willing to get out and move around a little with us. I know he was putting on a brave face and acting like he didn't hurt too bad, but when we dropped him off he looked a little sore climbing the stairs to the front door. We're hopeing that maybe this will kickstart n exercise bug in him and he'll get back into jogging on his own.

No More Fat Jokes

Today was a little rougher than anticipated. The first day where I was just not into it. Despitemy cheery AM post, my mood seemed to droop all day. Classes were extra boring and even though I was wearing black pants that didn't fit so well previously I keep thinking in my head "Don't feel too sassy, you still weight more than 240 pounds and everyone can see that."

All day long negative thoughts were passing through my head. How I wasn't good enough, strong enough, I didn't want it enough. I wasn't working hard enough to really do any good and I'd probably end up gaining weight and be agreat failure.

My mother ordered me this adorable dress for the holidays and I'm terrified I won't fit into it. I've never owned anything that cost more than 100 dollars and I'd hate for someone to spend so much money on me and not be able to show anything for it. She ordered it in a 1x, an ambition I was hopeing to fill my Christmas. I'm definitely a lumpy 2x right now and I'm so scared I won't get there and everyone will feel bad for me.

I agreed to go for the track this afternoon with the intention of getting 2 miles in, but my mind just wasn't having it and my body was agreeing. Sure, I'm tired from working my body so hard all of a sudden, but I was letting what I thought in my head get away with bringing me down. I needed my mind to defeat itself. It's complicated.

In the end I did 1 lazy mile around the track, huffing and puffing and complaining the whole time. I had a shoelace malfunction that I used as a good reason to take a not-yet-needed breather. When I forfeited after 1 mile, I felt like a huge failure. A feeling that hung with me all night, while I showered, changed, pick-up, ate (a rather large) dinner, did my laundry, watched the biggest loswer, etc. My sister wasn't buying all my "I'm Fine"'s and keep asking we what my deal was. I couldn't put my finger on it. I still can't.

She challenged me to come home and get on my elliptical, make up for what I didn't do earlier today and maybe re-kickstart my motivation. I was like, "Yea, sure."

But then a funny thing happened. I came home, dumped out my laundry, changed into my workout clothes, and decided to work out. I knew that one of my biggest problems was setting weight time limits for myself and giving up when I knew I could go further, so I covered the clocks before I got on. I set up an Itunes playlist that lasted about 23 minutes, and just got going.

My legs hurt, there was sweat in my eyes, my breathing was unsteady and sometimes gaspy. Every once in awhile my knee would give out. After 3 songs I got off and stretched my legs and, feeling curious, checked the clock. I had gone for 14 minutes. My best time ever. After a tiny bit more stretching I figured, what's another 6 minutes? I got back on the elliptical and finished.

When I was done, sweaty, shakey, I did 16 sit-up and drank my weight in water.

I'm still shaking from the workout. From the pure addreneline I'm running on.

I can't give up.

I can't give up.

I can't give up.

I can't give up.