#113 Pigs In The Sky

We got the most disgusting storm ever today. First it snowed and snowed and snowed and then the heavens shot out this tsunami style rain that soaked into the snow and created the heaviest, most annoying sludge in the existence of sludge. Normally I would raise my arms in victory, declare a snow day and settle in for a marathon viewing of the Independent Film Channel. But today I had big plans for a run and weights at the gym, a workout I'd been anticipating all week. The storm was the most evil of dream crushers.

One of the most frustrating things for me right now is not being able to workout when I had planned to. I get this antsy, anxious feeling that makes me want to pound my feet and whine because dammit, I wanted to run today! I was supposed to do my first 20 minute run and had really been psyching myself up (and out) about how I was going to do. Whenever my run times get upped I'm always terrified that I won't be able to do it and then, once I've proved that I can do it, feel a certain amount of smug satisfaction. I pretty much live for that feeling of accomplishment right now and to not be able to run today and achieve something really bummed me out.

It's not really a big deal - I'll just go tomorrow instead - but I hate substituting elliptical at home for the gym. It's just not the same. Sure, Paul the Ball is there, and I don't have to wear an uncomfortable bra, and I can watch ER and ogle George Clooney, but I don't think a home workout will ever measure up to one at the gym.

Look at me talking about missing a day at the gym like it's some kind of tragedy. I am a changed woman!

Daily Post #91-92

Calories in: 2308
Calories out: 6765
Difference: 4457

I haven't been sleeping very well lately, and it's really starting to get on my nerves. Part of it is my own fault - drinking caffeine so late at night -- and other parts aren't. For example, my cat has this bad habit of getting very rowdy around 3 AM and then pouncing on my head. Also, it's freakishly cold in my apartment, only about 20 degrees warmer than it is outside and February in Maine is basically as cold as it gets around here. I'm not sure what I'm going to do to remedy this problem, short of drinking some liquor and passing out (not the best idea). Hopefully I'll get some good sleep soon though, because it's starting to effect my will to workout. And we can't have that can we!?

- - -

I went to the gym yesterday to do the second workout of Cto5K and found myself in an uncomfortable situation. I wasn't feeling very well (I think I have a cold coming on), and felt a little nauseous, but decided to work out anyway. So I'm sniffling a little, getting ready to start jogging and these two girls come into the gym. Now, I try not to make judgements about people that I don't know, but I couldn't help chuckling at these girls. They were maybe 17 years old, blond hair, super-tanned, and...were wearing matching outfits. Yea.

So these girls walk in and head towards the treadmills. I take a quick look and see that there are only 2 treadmills available, and they are located on the other side of me. I knew what was coming. I was about to be the filling in a Barbie sandwich.

The girls proceeded to help each other stretch out and hop on the two machines on each side of me, giggling like fools the whole time. That's when the worst part of this whole scene hit me: They both smelled strongly of vanilla frosting. I'm not kidding, it was like being enveloped in a giant cupcake. And not in a good way. I was already feeling ill and the combination of gym smell, vanilla frosting, and my achey tummy was just too much.

I finished my workout and sucked in some big gulps of fresh air the second I got outside, glad to be free from that vanilla scented hell. I guess it goes without saying that if I see them at the gym again I'm going to alter my workout to avoid the cupcake girls.

- - -

Today marks the first day of the February Challenge, and I'm glad to be done with January. I don't think I'm built to take in that much water. That's not to say I won't keep on with the hydration, I just won't be guzzling to the extreme I was in January. For February I'd like to keep a better eye on my carbohydrate intake. The last week in January I noticed that I was getting a little out of hand when it came to how my calories broke down. In February I'd like to keep it at about 50% or less, just to assure myself that I'm getting enough protein and fats. We'll see how it goes.

Also, much love to Jeannie, my personal cheerleader for January. Thanks so much for sticking by me!

Daily Post #83

Calories in: 1145
Calories out: 3470
Difference: 2325

A few things I made a mental note to talk about today:

1. I should never got to the gym around 5:00 if I intend to do weights. It's nearly impossible to get on the machines you need, people take forever to do their sets, and I swear I saw one guy napping on the leg press. And speaking of the leg press, why is there only one of these for the entire gym to use? I had to keep myself busy doing other things for forty five minutes tonight before it was free long enough for me to snag it. That is not cool. So, no gym for me at 5:00, way too frustrating.

2. I got curious yesterday and checked out how my BMI has change since October, when I first decided to move my mass around a little more. When I first started I was 46.3 and fell in the MORBID OBESE category. Morbid, indeed. Since then I have dropped my BMI seven points and now qualify as SEVERELY OBESE. Who knew that being severely obese could be an improvement?

3. So, I keep having these dreams when I'm working out at the gym, looking at sweaty but still totally adorable, and I meet a nice guy who has weigh problems too but is in the weight-loss groove just like me. We become workout buddies whilst commiserating over how mean people can be to you when you're fat. Eventually we fall madly in love and become a gorgeous super-star celebrity power couple not unlike Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie and live happily ever after with our adopted children. Really.

Daily Post #64

Calories in: 1024
Calories out: 3488
Difference: 2464

Challenge Day 3: ~70/64 oz

Had a busy day (Victoria's Secret's Semi-Annual sale was calling my name) and didn't get to eat as much as I usually do. Sad story, right?

At the gym this morning I saw a guy that I worked with last summer. I didn't get a chance to talk to him, but saw him from afar and had a tiny moment of panic. Oh, God. I can't believe he's here and can actually see me right now. I'm all sweaty and red, I'm positive I don't smell my very best, and I'm wearing two different socks. This is awful.

And then, just like that, I didn't care. I was over it. I realized that getting a good workout was way more important to me then looking foxy for some guy.

Immediately my thoughts turned to Yes, I'm a big girl and right now I'm sweating but that's just how it is. At least I'm doing something about it! And I almost wanted to run in to him so he could see that I don't care if he sees me at my most unattractive.

I guess I'm mentioning all of this because it's kind of a big deal to not be embarassed at the gym. Sha-Dizzle mentioned exercise embarassment in her most recent post, and sometimes I get a touch of it. Most of the time I'm the biggest person there and usually it doesn't phase me, but I'm human and there are times where I'm ashamed of my size. Getting over this has been huge when it comes to working out. I'm not scared to get disgusting when I'm at the gym, because I know that means I'm working hard. Besides, if the people at the gym are anything like me, they're more concerned about themselves and their workout then anyone else.

Daily Post #40

Exercise: 30 minutes stationary, 25 minutes elliptical, Ab routine

Calories in: 1236
Calories out: 3575
Difference: 2339

Going to the gym has become a sort of regular impulse for me. I don't wake up and wonder if I'll go to the gym today, because I already know that I will. It's not that I don't have a choice, it's just that I've already made the decision. I work it into my schedule as a priority. Going to the gym happens the same as going to the post office or the bank, it's an errand I run that just takes a little longer and requires showering.

I'm on the fence about my actual gym though. The staff are nice enough and the patrons have been friendly or mostly keep to themselves. A few days ago a man who was making his way around the gym by doing squats passed by the sister and I while we were doing our ab routine and was cheering us on, really encouraging us to give it our all. Normally I would be horrified that someone was paying attention to me at the gym (I like to pretend I'm invisble and no one can see the sweaty, gasping mess I become when I work out) but I was actually encouraged and worked a little harder.

Something that sort of shocked me though was that last monday as I was leaving they had about 10 pizzas delivered to the gym. They were placed in the waiting area, all hot and cheesy and waiting to be eaten. The smell filled the gym, and my stomache grumbled involuntarily. I;d been so good about staying away from temptation and there it was, in my gym, staring me in the face. What kind of gym supplies copious amounts of free pizza to it's customers? I didn't eat any, of course, but there it was and it astounded me.

The mom, sister, and I are going on another mini-trip this weekend, leaving tomorrow and returning Sunday. I'm getting really good at eating what I want but eating smaller amounts of it, so I feel good about this trip. We'll be gone all day tomorrow so no working out, but back in time Sunday to get in a good gym visit to end the week.

Oh! I wore a pea-coat today that I bought as a sophomore in highschool! With a sweater on! It never fit in highschool, but today I could button it and everything. It was a little lumpy, but nothing that I was embarassed by. I can't wait until I lose a few more inches and it's big enough to wear a bulky sweater underneath with room to spare. Fitting into clothes, so far, has been the best part of this.