#131 Taking A Breather (190.0)

I guess I should mention that I decided early last week that I need a break. A break, that is to say, from constantly thinking about losing weight. I could feel myself approaching that burn out point - where you get so sick and tired of something that you end up sabotaging it so you have a good excuse to throw up your hands and say "oh well!" and move on.

Instead of getting to that burnout point I've decided to take some time to maintain and bring my focus back to other things like finishing school this week and getting a job so I can move out of my parent's guest room.

This week was my first week attempting to maintain and I did exactly that. The scale moved a little up and a little down over the week but landed right where I'd hoped it would this morning. I'm still eating a 1200 calorie diet so, if the math is the truth, I should lose some weight from simple restriction.

I feel a tiny bit of failure for not plowing through this whole 120 pound venture in one go, but I'm not worried about my commitment to finish this before too long. Normally I would feel in a panic because I'm not, technically, "on plan!" but right now I feel pretty comfortable. I'm eating responsibly and having a good time. I don't look or feel like a monster anymore and I'm taking a little bit of time to enjoy that - go out and dance around in the new bod - before I knuckle down and power through another 60 pounds.

I don't know how long this little break is going to last. Probably just one more week through finals. After that I'll have all the time in the world to focus on getting to the gym a couple days a week and to get some exercise at home too. I'll check in again next week and let you all know what the status is.

Hope everyone has a great week!

#130 Simply Obese (190.0)

What a crazy week I just had. My apologies for being so neglectful of this blog and my fellow challenge bloggers, I wish that I had more time to be more active in the group and more supportive of my group members this month, but you know it goes. Life gets in the way.

I weighed in at 190 this week, a 1.6 pound loss, which I will happily accept. I did see a lower number earlier this week, but with my move my scale is now on a different surface and we all know that the position of the scale actually does make a difference. That being said this is still an awesome weigh in! At 190 I have reached my 5th mini-goal, I have lost 63 pound total, and, according to the BMI lords, I am no longer severely obese I am simply obese. Hooray!

Exercise has been...sparse. My elliptical has been packed away in storage with the rest of my belongings and I spent most of last week moving out the final boxes from my apartment and getting situated at my parent's house. I brought Paul the ball with my to my new temporary home, but have yet to get down on the floor and do some crunches.

I'm not going to lie, I miss the workout momentum I was once experiencing. There were a few months there were I worked out five days a week, regardless of life or anything that was going on, and now I'd be happy to get in one or two, just to say that I did something.

Luckily, tomorrow is the first of the month so I have a fresh start to look forward to. I've decided my May goal will be to start up the Couch to 5K program again. I think I'm going to pick it up around week 4 and see how that goes. If it's too easy I'll skip ahead to week five and if it's too hard I'll drop back to week three and start again from there. I think the structure of three workouts a week will be a good way to get me back into the gym routine while I try and get everything else sorted out.

I'm still looking for a job, and the lead I thought I had last week has fallen quiet so I don't really know what's going to happen with that. Everyone is after me to find a job now and I'm struggling to find something that will let me use my degree. My parents are urging me to not settle for a job that sort of applies to my field, but at the same time everyone is expecting me to land a great job right out of school and I don't see that happening.

I've got two weeks of school left, and only a few major projects left to complete. I managed to get out of one pretty huge project so that's one less thing to worry about while I job hunt. Despite all of this, I feel lazy and a little hopeless right now. I just need to keep plugging away and make sure that I take care of myself while taking care of everything else.

Hope everyone else is doing well, I'll be making the rounds this afternoon to try and catch up on everyone's progress. Best of luck to everyone in the May challenge! We're 1/3 of the way through the year!

#129 Look What I Can Do! (191.6)

Through some kind of miracle, I weighed in at 191.6 this week. I'm not sure where the 3.6 pound loss came from. I like to think that I burn an amazing amount of calories sitting on my butt, but my brains says that it was part my period finally passing and maybe a little bit of muscle loss from the lack of working out. Whatever it is, I'll take it. I'm half way to my end goal now, and if I lose 1.5 pounds a week I can be there by my 22nd birthday, which is completely do-able.

I didn't make it to the gym today for a number of reasons I don't care to bore you with just now. I did get on the elliptical at home though, so today wasn't a complete loss. I figure I'm getting in some good exercise going up and down all these stairs with boxes of my things. Moving counts as exercise right?

You guys...I've lost 61 pounds. I can't even comprehend that number. I know what 20 pounds looks like, but 60 pounds just blows my mind. I'm a little freaked out by my own body. Sometimes I wonder what's going on in there this time that wasn't all the other times I've tried to lose weight. I'll stand in front of the mirror, admiring how my boobs, for the first time in my life, stick out farther than my belly and wonder what's different this time.

Every time I do something new that I couldn't do before I feel this incredible sense of pride. When I crossed my legs tonight at dinner all I could do was look around and see if anyone noticed, like "Look! Look what I can do!" and then I realize that most people can cross their legs and not think twice. But for me every new NORMAL thing I can do is just...fascinating. Watch me go up and down the stairs with heavy boxes and not lose my breathe. Look at my collar bones which now stick out whether I hunch my shoulders or not. Look! Isn't it all just amazing?

Today I wore a tank top and shorts out in the sun and felt completely content. I feel more and more normal every single day and I can't believe how great it feels to be completely average.

#124 Trusting The Machine (195.4)

Is time flying by at an increased rate or is that just me? I feel like I just posted a weigh-in a day or two ago, but no, it's been a whole week. Crazy. This morning I weighed in at 195.4, down .6 pounds for the week. Hey, it's a loss so I'll take it.

I've been wondering lately how accurate my caloric calculations are. I'm pretty precise about everything I eat, but there are some things that never seem to make it into the calculations, mostly because I'm usually too lazy to figure out how many calories are in a few sips of something, or a tiny nibble, or one single cracker. Coffee, for example, is something that I drink on occasion but never bother to calculate the creamer because I don't use very much.

As it turns out, my occasional coffee is probably racking up 100-300 (if I have more then one cup) calories because of the creamer.

And what about exercise equipment? Does the calorie counter on the machine have any credibility?

I assume the machines that ask for your weight are more accurate, but even then what do those machines know other then some formula that gives you an approximation. When I do an hour on the elliptical at the gym it says I burn about 850 calories, at home it's 825, on FitDay it's worth 601, and here 1001.

That difference between 1001 calories and 601 is 2 cups of coffee with creamer!

I guess it doesn't really matter in the end, so long as you're doing it and putting in the effort. But for a person who works out those numbers every single day, I'm certainly interested in how accurate those calculations are.

Do you trust your equipment?

#121 A Cold, Blustery Day

Things are pretty quiet (translation: boring) around here lately. I haven't really been busy with anything specific, but I feel like I'm constantly on the go. At the same time I feel completely bored with everything right now. I'm suffering from an ennui that I can't pinpoint. It's a combination of senioritis and my basic human needs not being met.

It started snowing this afternoon, the last snow of the season according to my grandfather the human almanac, which derailed any plans for going to the gym today. I didn't really mind since I was hesitant to go anyhow due to a blister a bit bigger than a quarter on the instep of my right foot that has basically progressed into a hole of sensitive, sore, new skin. It is gigantic. I had to use one of those massive band-aids that are usually saved for road rash just to cover it up.

Food was kind of weird for me today. I'm not sure if it was the gross weather or just a blah day, but I wasn't hungry at all for the first half of the day and then once 4:00 hit I was completely famished. I ended up going to the grocery store and picking up some beer and a rotisserie turkey breast (because I'm a fraternity brother? I'm not sure.) and picked at that this evening. Not exactly the most nutritiously concious day of eating, but what are you gonna do? I guess the plus side is that when you're dieting you can totally get buzzed off of one beer. Excellent.

Right now I'm going to do my best to fight off the impending tryptophan coma and strap on my sneakers to do some work on the old elliptical (which my dad fixed for me yesterday! The joy! The rapture!). I know I said in the paragraph above that I had a beer buzz, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to operate the equipment without doing too much damage. Hopefully.

Shout out to my April partners: Amber, Christy, and Cory!

#120 Baby Got Back (196)

Weigh-In Monday and the scale is bouncing all over the place. I got several different numbers and after averaging them out landed on 196lbs for the week, which makes a 1.2 pound loss for the week. Not too shabby considering my spark has been a little dull these past few days.

My parents recently gave me some of my baby stuff. My first haircut hair, a few pieces of jewelry, and a calendar that my mom filled out during my first year. Most of it isn't that interest, things like "Rolled over!" or "Went to the beach with cousins!", but there was one that caught my eye. July 24th, 1986 I had a doctor's appointment and written under the doctor's name and time of appointment is one little word: "overweight".

Ironically, my mom also recorded a lot of what I was eating that year. The week before I was determined to be "overweight" I had beef, ice cream, and french toast with maple syrup for the first time. I guess it was all down hill from there.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of being overweight at five months old. When I pointed it out to my parents they laugh and then my dad said "If we'd known what was going to happen we would have put you on a diet right then." Would that have been the appropriate thing to do? Probably not. But that one word, right there in my baby calendar, pretty much summed up my physical state for the next twenty one years.

It also makes me realize what I'm up against. In trying to lose weight I'm working against everything my body has ever known. It sounds sort of strange, but it's like trying to start all over again from scratch. A physical re-birth if you will. I've got this blog and Fitday as my calendar this time around, and all over it are metaphorical stickers and notes: "First 1 mile run", "First time under the 200s", "First blister", "First muscle pain from lifting weights", "First attempt to eat responsibly". I can't wait to look back on this years from now and say "Yea, that was a good year."

#118 Just Doin' My Thing (197.2)

Oh what a week I've had! The places I've been, the things I've seen, the bars I've single handedly drank. I've been readjusting, getting caught up (well, sort of) in school, and spending time with family and friends. My mother is on a mission currently to become a contestant on Deal or no Deal so I've been helping her with the application and audition video. The picture is of a cake she made for the tape - it's a Deal or No Deal case! It's amazing in person and also very delicious, because yes, I had a bite of that case and it tasted like a million bucks.

Despite the cake - and copious amounts of beer - I weighed in this week at 197.2! Holy crap! Even away for a week on vacation and then another week of just trying to function after my vacation I managed to shed another 4.6 pounds. This lands me solidly in the 100s! A 200 pound girl I shall never again be.

I guess it goes without saying that things are going well with the weight-loss fitness stuff. I didn't get to work out as much as I wanted last week but I tried not to let that discourage me. I feel more confident than ever that food just might not be a problem for me anymore. Somewhere, somehow, I think I made my peace with food and decided that it isn't evil, that we can work together, that I can have a little and it's not a bad thing. I've learned how to make 1200 calories go a very long way and I've never been happier with the way I'm eating. I feel, for the first time in my life, like I get to make the decisions - not my food. This is huge.

As far as the challenge goes... I could be doing better. The forty day challenge has been easy as can be, getting up at 8 isn't a problem anymore and I really enjoy having that extra couple of hours in the morning to do whatever. Eat my breakfast, watch the news, pick up around the house, just be generally productive.

My other challenge, to keep up the Couch to 5K and to use Paul the Ball daily hasn't gone so well. I have been using Paul but not as often as I had hoped and I've all but stopped the Cto5K program. I didn't run at all over vacation and it's like I lost my running mojo somewhere over the ocean. I'm still chipping away at my running times though, progressing very slowly every time I hop on the treadmill. I guess I just lost my enthusiasm for it, so I'm taking it easy on the running. I'm sure, when I get the bug again, I'll get right back on track. I'm still getting in a full hour workout as often as possible (ideally 5 to 6 days a week) so it's not like I'm slacking, just switching it up.

I'm also really behind on reading blogs. I have a test to take tonight, but then, if I don't get sidetracked, I'm going to do my very best to make the rounds. I've been a horrible partner to Carrie this month, for which I apologize. March is whizzing right by me and I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do what I want!

Also, before I forget, Jeannie, I got a letter in the mail today from the USPS that said the envelope I sent your present in was found empty. I'm not sure if the present ever reached you, so let me know and if that's the case I'll see what I can do to rectify the situation. I've never had this happen before! I'll be so sad if it never got to you.

#115 Chasing the White Rabbit (201.8)

Oooh, Onderland is so close I can almost taste it! Today's weigh in yielded a loss of 2.2 pounds, putting me 1.8 pounds shy of my Spain goal. Can I lose 1.8 pounds in five days? Probably. Am I stressing out about it? Not even a little. Back in October I never would have thought it was possible to be almost under 200 by the time I left for my vacation. But alas! Sometimes you surprise yourself.

I had maybe the worst run ever today. Almost as soon as I got to the gym this afternoon my Nano froze and, since I'm new, I didn't know how to reset it (Apparently you just hold the menu and center button at the same time and it resets itself. Good to know. Kind of wish Apple's trendy minimalist directions had mentioned that.). So, I spent most of my workout seriously pissed off that it wasn't working. My anger (and lack of musical distraction) really effected my running. All I could do the whole time was stare at the clock, watching the seconds slowly go by while I huffed and puffed in agonizing silence. Never again will I run without music.

For some reason the bad run left me in such a funk I resorted to getting some pad Thai with tofu at a local Thai restaurant to devour while doing my homework tonight. Not exactly the most healthy meal, but I wanted something I could eat while studying that wouldn't require any kind of preparation. Plus, It's Monday so I've got the whole week to burn it off.

Thanks so much to everyone who left advice at my last post. I've emailed him back and, since I'm leaving the country for a week in 5 days, have bought myself some time to think it over and get to know him a little more. I can't believe how incredibly naive I am when it comes to these things. I'm so socially underdeveloped that it scares me sometimes.

My new partner for March is Carrie! Go visit her blog and tell her she's wonderful!

#111 Metaphorical Body Armor (204.0)

It's Weigh-in Monday here at A Better Year and I'm happy to say I lost 4.6 pounds this week. Thanks to this lovely loss if I'm not under 200 by the time I leave for Spain I should be damn close.

I worry sometimes that I am losing way too quickly. Four month ago I was 50 pounds heavier and it feels almost like I snapped my fingers and found myself a mere four pounds from 200. I feel so lucky that this is working for me when other people seem to struggle week after week. I realize this is an excellent problem to have, losing weight quickly, but I don't want to be one of those women who looses a ton of weight only to bounce right back to where they started.

Mostly, I am so scared of what lies ahead. I've spent a lot of my life thinking that as soon as I was under 200 pounds everything would be different and certain aspects of my life would sort themselves out and I'd be this incredibly happy skinny chick that everyone envied. I am this close to leaving the 200s and I feel completely terrified to venture into unknown territory. I'm worried about losing my identity because being the sarcastic fat girl is what I've always done. I'm worried about gaining some confidence, getting out into the world, and being shot down and not having my weight to blame for it.

I literally feel like I'm shedding my armor and am about to be pelted with all kinds of painful social arrows. I didn't realize that losing weight could be this scary. Hopefully no one hates me for whining about losing weight, it's just that I'm nervous and need to vent and I know I'm going to feel like a jerk the second I post this. Egh.

#107 We Now Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Normalcy (208.6)

A loss this week of .4, an undeserved .4 but I guess I'm lucky like that. I really tested the boundaries with my metabolism this week and I could sort of tell that I was in the back of my mind. I guess you want to see how bad you can be and still get away with it. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, this makes my 200lbs by Spain goal a little far fetched. But, crazier things have happened.

Reasons I only lost .4 pounds this week:

I'm on my period

I had a good sized loss last week

I had a doughnut on Friday (It was delicious)

Drank way too much Saturday night

Buffalo Chicken Salad with REAL Ranch Dressing

I didn't track my calories as closely as I had been

I drank basically no water

I skipped one of my workouts to watch movies on my couch

So! I know what went wrong and I know what I can do to fix it and I'll be doing that all week. Things got off to a great start this morning as I woke up a little earlier then normal and went to the gym. Started Week 4 of Cto5K and had my first set of 5 minute runs this morning. I still can't believe that I was able to do the whole workout without passing out. I couldn't run for more than 30 seconds 4 weeks ago and now I'm busting out 5 minute runs like it's nothing. Well, not nothing, the last one was a little rough but I powered through.

I think I'm going to invest in a stability ball this week. I've been wanting one for quite awhile now but didn't buy one because I doubted my commitment and really didn't want a huge ball mocking me in my teeny tiny apartment. But I think at this point it's safe to say I'm in this for the long haul and would definitely benefit from having one. Via Dietgirl I've been perusing some of the exercises over at trainwithmeonline.com and am itching to try out a few. You know when you're sitting on the couch watching American Idol for like 5 hours a week (seriously, I think it's on for 5 hours this week. It's like a part time job, watching American Idol) and you feel like the time would be better spent if you were doing crunches or something? I think the ball would be a good motivator in that way.

I noticed a disturbing trend in the last week when I sort of loosened up the reins on the diet. I found that I was eating a small breakfast, a small lunch, no snacks, and then a huge lumberjack style dinner. Being that I am a young person I like to go out and now that I'm 21 the prospect of drinking a few Margaritas is always an available option and I noticed that I was squirreling away my calories "just in case" something came up. That ends today. This morning I returned to a normal sized breakfast, am eating plenty for lunch, and will have a nice, normal sized dinner.

What's funny about my unbalanced eating is that now that I've realized what I was doing I feel like I've just dropped 5 pounds of stress from my life. I didn't realize until now that I was really starting to worry about how to have fun and keep my calories down. I kept thinking how can I make it look like I'm not dieting without an explosive amount of calories? When really what I should have been doing was focusing on the fun and not the food/drinks that came with the fun. I'm having such a "Duh." moment. Excellent, glad I've sorted that out for myself.

100 Things About Me (212.2)

Monday weigh in: 212.2, down another 1.4 miraculous pounds this week!

Thank you all so much for your birthday wishes! You guys rock!

In celebration of my birthday and my 100th post to this fatblog I'd like the share with you 100 things about the Megster.

1. My favorite color is green. If I had it my way, everything in the world would be some shade of green.
2. I'm very smart, but very lazy.
3. My biggest fear is dying alone.
4. My second biggest fear is a member of my family dying at a young age.
5. I have two tattoos.
6. I will always regret not performing in my highschool coffee houses.
7. I have one cat. His name is Chandler and he runs my apartment.
8. I created my first website when I was 10.
9. It was a Hanson fansite because I was obsessed with the youngest member.
10. I've always sort of secretly wished I'd studied literature and become an editor.
11. I demanded to be taught how to read when I was three years old.
12. I have killed 5 computers in the last 5 years.
13. I am studying to become a Web Developer - computers beware!
14. No, I do not know how to fix your computer.
15. I hate working, which is okay with me since I'm happy with not having a lot of money.
16. If I could do anything, I would travel professionally.
17. I'm a liberal democrat.
18. Most of my friends in highschool were gay.
19. I graduated highschool in 2004.
20. It feels unnatural when I use agressive swear words.
21. I have one younger brother and an older sister that I love like crazy.
22. I'm so greatful that my family members are as cool as they are.
23. I watch a movie almost every single day. Sometimes more then one.
24. I once peirced my own nose.
25. My next car will be a hybrid; I think they're pretty and I enjoy the environment.
26. If I had been born a boy I was going to be named Mason.
27. If I have children, I think I'll name my first girl Zooey.
28. I've broken my arm three times.
29. I played field hockey in middle school and high school. I was pretty good.
30. I love weird movies about strange people doing crazy things.
31. I played the clarinet for 8 years. The last time I played was my last day in highschool. I have no urge to play ever again.
32. I've never been in a real relationship.
33. Sometimes I get this weird feeling that I've already met the person I'm supposed to be with and we're just not ready for each other yet.
34. A psychic once told me that I had psychic tendencies and if I opened up I would be able to use them.
35. I'm probably the most honest person I know.
36. I watch way too much tv. According to my parents, I've always been a boob tube junkie.
37. My favorite songs are "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal, "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters, and "Motorcycle Driveby" by Third Eye Blind
38. I'm a romantic, but have never acted romantically towards anyone.
39. I can use chopsticks, and most of the time prefer to.
40. I can cry on command.
41. I find the idea of reincarnation comforting.
42. I got caught drinking in YMCA locker room when I was 14.
43. My middle name is Ashley.
44. I don't like anything flavored Peanut Butter.
45. My first boyfriend's name was Dane, we were friends through highschool. Sometimes I miss him.
46. I play the Sims addictively.
47. I like buying presents for other people.
48. When I was a kid I broke one of the glasses from my parents wedding and never told them.
49. I love playing board games.
50. I have a weakness for scary movies.
51. I was a girl scout for a year - we raised enough money for a trip to NYC and then my entire troup quit.
52. I can't watch Karaoke, it makes me anxious to see people embarassed.
53. I swear that I once saw Santa Claus - in clear day - over the park next to my elementary school.
54. I love writing in journals, but am too self-concious to write what I'm really feeling.
55. In my eighth grade picture I have aqua colored hair.
56. I dream that I am running all the time.
57. I find men who are older then me more attractive.
58. I have practically no social skills... it makes me embarass myself alot.
59. I have curly hair that I've learned to love.
60. In elementary school I got a "Smilie!" (warning) for throwing rocks at cars.
61. I used to steal quarters from my little brother to buy cookies at school.
62. I'm a pretty nice person, even if this list might lead you to think that I'm not.
63. My favorie author is Kurt Vonnegut.
64. From the ages of 8 to 10 I was on a swim team. I haven't been in a pool since.
65. I'm more like my father than I like to admit.
66. When I'm older I want to adopt a child.
67. I've seen every episode of Friends at least 3 times.
68. I get my mother flowers on my birthday.
69. I'm afraid I'll never fall in love.
70. I have a fish named Charlie.
71. My ultimate fantasy is to move to Paris and become a waitress.
72. My ears were pierced when I was just a few months old.
73. The smell of hospitals makes me panic.
74. On my 20th birthday I had my gallbladder removed.
75. I love the smell of Noxzema.
76. I like shopping alone.
77. Fall is my favorite time of year.
78. I'm a horrible liar, I've recently realized it's because my dad was a ruthless investigator of the truth.
79. I can hear a song once and remember the lyrics forever.
80. I consider myself a collector of music.
90. I am almost always cold.
91. I wear very little makeup - mostly just eyeliner and shadow.
92. I hate talking on the phone, I don't like not knowing what expression the person I'm talking to is wearing.
93. My driver's license says I weigh almost 80 pounds less then I do.
94. I think people who go against the conveyor belt of schooling are admirable.
95. I lose my keys on a daily basis.
96. I have one single freckle on my lip.
97. I'm a cheap date - I can get drunk from 1 margarita.
98. I love coffee, and own a coffee maker, but never brew at home.
99. I have green eyes that get greener when I'm upset or sad.
100. I am treating myself better now then I ever have before.

Daily Post #85-89 (213.6)

Calories in: 5980
Calories out: 16068
Difference: 10088

(Numbers above are for the last 5 days.)

I can't believe it's been five days since I last wrote here. I never realize how busy school makes me until I start missing my vacation habits, like writing in here. Luckily I've been exercising consistently, and still eating pretty well. This last week I ate a lot of foods that I consider okay once in awhile (cheeseburgers, french fries, fast food salads, candy, spaghetti & sausage, bacon, orange juice) so it doesn't surprise me that I only lost 1.2 pounds this week, putting me .8 pounds from 40 pounds lost. My portions were all responsible, but the quality of the food, and the benefits of eating those foods, are far less then when I had been eating.

This week it's back to eating like a nutrition conscious being. Salads and grilled chickens, fish, yogurt, low-cal soups, lots of veggies and fruit. And water! I've been slacking hardcore on water as I've apparently re-discovered my love for diet Dr.Pepper. Not awful, but not good.

I'm thinking of re-vamping my gym program to avoid the touch of boredom I've been feeling. The most recent post at angryfatgirls got me thinking that I've been doing the same old same old for awhile now and it may be time to step it up a notch. I'm not much of a runner, but I was thinking about trying The Couch to 5K Program. I definitely feel the need for a challenge as I did 40 minutes on my home elliptical on Saturday and was bored and disappointed (and thrilled, all at once) with how easy it had become.

Daily Post #81, 82 (214.8)

Calories in: 2499
Calories out: 6306
Difference: 3807

Challenge: All is well on the water front, though school has posed a challenge as leaving to pee every 15 minutes will probably get on my professor's nerves.

Weighed in this morning a 214.8, a four pound loss from last week. Got to love the momentum my body has right now. It's dropping weight like nobodies business. I have to give myself some credit though, as I'm still working out 5-6 times a week and keeping calories around 1200 every day.

I've been on the hunt for jeans the last few days and with minimal success. I no longer can wear a pair of 22s without looking like a frumpy bag lady, but most of my 20's are out-dated, too short, or worn to death, since the last time I was a 20 was in early high school years (about 5 years ago). I went to Old Navy, a tried and true source for size 20 pants, and it turns out the chain closest to me doesn't carry any sizes above 18. Well okay. Since they were having a major sale I picked up some 18s (for $6!) for later. I went to my mom's today to drop off a movie and my mom gave me a pair of 20s that fit really well and a pair of 18s that fit me and make my thighs look positively small.

I need to take a moment and just say that I cannot recall ever wearing an 18. I swear I went from children's clothes straight to 20s. Pardon my squeal, but, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I can wear size 18 pants now!

Daily Post #76 (218.8)

Calories in: 1158
Calories out: 3505
Difference: 2347

Water: 8/8 glasses

I'm not sure what I was so freaked out about last night, but weigh in went just fine thank you very much. Down 2.8 pounds this week, landing me in the two-teens! That means that I have lost almost seven of these! I haven't been in the two-teens in years and years and years. Not even in high school, not even the last time I went on a crazy restriction diet. I am elated, and I feel more determined then ever to just DO WORK and get this done. You know, just do it (Thanks, Nike!). Thank you all for your good lucks last night, once I read them I felt better. You all are the best, really!

The weather in Maine has finally taken a turn towards winter. The new ice and snow on the ground presents a couple of problems for me when it comes to fitness. First, I hate driving in the snow and I do it as little as possible. Last year I got in three car accidents in two days because of snow, so you can understand my hesitation to leave the house whenever it gets slick outside. Yesterday when I woke up and looked out the window everything looked good, no snow on the ground, the sky was a little gloomy, but everything looked just fine for me to go out and head to the gym. I took one step out my front door and BAM, slid down my entire front steps, ass first, down to the very bottom. My cousin happened to be outside, salting his driveway and helped me up and over to my sisters where I spent the day whining about my sore booty and cooking cupcakes.

So, the gym didn't happen yesterday which could be the reason for my sour mood last night. I blame my broken butt.

That being said, I did work out today. I finally climbed back on my good old elliptical and cranked out about an hour and then did some ab exercises on the living room floor with my cat jumping all over me. Working out at home is okay, and I'll do it when I have to, but you really can't beat the gym. Who would have thought three months ago that I would be the crazy gym-bunny I've become!?

Daily Post #69 (221.6)

Calories in: 1129
Calories out: 3663
Difference: 2534

Challenge Day 8: 84/64 oz

Weigh in day! I'm down another two pounds, which is astounding to me. I feel like I drank my weight in wine this weekend. Oh well, I must have done something right!

True to my word, today was quite a busy day. I was at the gym with The Sister by 7:00 this morning, where I yawned while using the leg press. I was maybe a little over-zealous on my elliptical last night and my knees are sore today so I spent a lot of time on arms and less time on cardio/fat burn stuff. Still broke a hell of a sweat though, and when I left at 8:00 I felt good.

Next stop was my doctors for my annual physical. A few years ago I switched over to the lady doctor at this particular office and since then I haven't dreaded a physical. She's much more understanding of my concerns and I was happy to discuss my body issues with her. Apparently when I had a blood test last March my thyroid came back as being a little under active but the issue was pushed aside because my gallbladder was filled to the brim with stones and needed to be removed. She took another blood test today to check the thyroid again and make sure it's not getting worse or to see if it's at a level where we needs to take some action.

Can you imagine if all this time I had an under active thyroid that was working against me? Come on body, get with the program!

I also got my first Gardisal vaccination (The complete vaccination takes 2 more shots). My mother had cervical cancer about 2 years ago, which means my chances of getting it are increased, so when it was offered to me I said definitely yes. If you haven't already been vaccinated you should check it out - why not decrease your chance of getting cervical cancer?

After the doctors I returned some movies, applied for a credit card, got on my school's ass about my graduation forms, and cleaned up the puddles of beer left over from Saturday night's party. All I need to do now is pick up the black hole that I call my bedroom and I'm done my chores for the day!

ETA: Because I worked out so early this morning, I decided, since I had the time, to go to the gym again this afternoon. Gotta love high motivation days! I really want to be out of the 220s this week and I don't want to have any regrets or what ifs if I miss that mark.

Daily Post #61,62 (223.6)

Calories in: 2440
Calories out: 6884
Difference: 4444

Challenge Day 1: 84/64 oz.

It's a new year! And a year that I have a feeling will be good to me. For once, it is January first and I feel confident and satisifed with my plans for the next year. This will be the last year I enter weighing more than 200 pounds, the year I graduate from college, the year I start living my life in a way that I am proud of. This year I want to get out there and do things. I want to get out of my comfort zone, meet new people, travel, experience things that scare me.

I haven't made any official resolutions, but I'm sticking with the changes I've been making in the last few months. I excersized every single day in December, without missing a beat. I've eaten responsibly every day since the end of October, and that's not to say I'm not having a blast the whole time. I've eaten pizza, hamburgers, mashed potatos, ice cream, chips, you name it! But all in proper portions with a side of cardio.

This is working for me (I lost another 3.2 pounds this week!), so I don't feel the need to make any resolutions to push myself into self-pressure panic mode. 2007 is going to be about focus and fun, and I can't wait to get started.

Daily Post #55 (226.8)

Calories in: 1000
Calories out: 3460
Difference: 2460

Who weighs in on Christmas day after a weekend of holiday eating? I do! I'm down 3.6 pounds this week which I am thrilled with. I'm solidly in the 220's now and hopeing to zip right through them. 223 is my last recorded low weight, in January of 2006, and I'm determined to bust through that and never look back.

A super quiet Christmas for me as I didn't leave the house all day. Watched old movies and stayed in my pajamas for as long as I could handle.

I got an Ipod Nano for Christmas and spent some time today loading it up with fast paced tunes for working out. I got one of those sassy little armbands so I can wear it at the gym and not worry about dropping it. Tomorrow, the nano and I are going to hit the weights and kick some ass!

I haven't been to the gym in...4 days? And I kind of miss it. How strange!

Daily Post #48 (230.4)

I had a Biggest Loser style weight loss this week of seven pounds! I could practically hear Caroline Rhea's super sonic voice screaming "You lost seven pounds!" in my ears.

But, and not to be all Debbie Downer, my scale keeps telling me it's batteries are low and I wonder how accurate the number could possibly be. I'll have to stop at the store and pick up a new battery and face the music tomorrow. I did have a few days this week where I felt good - where good = thinner - so I guess it's possible, but seven pounds is kind of hard to believe*.

Calories in: 1140
Calories out: 3370
Difference: 2230

Today, after working out, I decided to try tanning to see if it was something I could get in to. It was also sort of a Twenty Pounds Lost treat to myself too. I was terrified at first that I would break the bed because I weigh so much, or that it would collapse on top of me and I would be squished/burned to death like the girls in Final Destination 3. But everything went fine, I didn't die, and I think I'd do it again. I'm going to see how much my gym fee would increase if I added on tanning.

I ate dinner in such a way tonight that it felt like bingeing and it scared me. Heated up some steamed broccoli, then ate two tangerines. After that I heated up some oatmeal and sprinkled in a few raisins. When I was done with that I ate an ice cream sandwich. It ended up being about 500 calories, but since I hadn't eaten much all day, it worked out fine. I seem to build up a kind of momentum when I'm eating sometimes and have to take a step back and breathe. What's the hurry?



* I changed the battery this evening and weighed myself again before dinner. The number checks out. Woo!

Daily Post #42 (237.4)

Down a little less than a pound this morning, which I guess is good considering the wine-fest that was Saturday.




My eating, when not with others, has become sort of sporadic and strange.

Tonight I had a cup of Annie's Shells and Cheddar, then an hour later I had a cup of Minestrone soup, then Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. And that was dinner.

I sort of like it, but I know that expert food peoples would say I should not be doing anything while eating (I'm usually studying, watching tv, cleaning in between bites) and I should eat it all at once so as not to go out of control without realising. But it's working for me, so whatever.

Calories in: 1100
Calories out: 3400
Difference: 2300

Daily Post #36 (238.2)

Down .4 this week, which I've convinced myself is totally okay since last week was so big. All smiles, right?




Busy school day, followed by a new workout at the gym.

10 minutes warm-up treadmill
1 hour weight training
20 minutes stationary cool-down

I really liked it, except that I wasn't all sweaty and exhausted after leaving. I really like to feel worked out once I leave the gym and today was surprisingly easy.

Of course, we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Florida trip was postponed, so we can put the game-plan for that to the side for awhile. Im'm glad, it gives me more time to get myself under control and gain a little confidence.

Can you tell I'm super tired right now? Man.