#111 Metaphorical Body Armor (204.0)
It's Weigh-in Monday here at A Better Year and I'm happy to say I lost 4.6 pounds this week. Thanks to this lovely loss if I'm not under 200 by the time I leave for Spain I should be damn close.
I worry sometimes that I am losing way too quickly. Four month ago I was 50 pounds heavier and it feels almost like I snapped my fingers and found myself a mere four pounds from 200. I feel so lucky that this is working for me when other people seem to struggle week after week. I realize this is an excellent problem to have, losing weight quickly, but I don't want to be one of those women who looses a ton of weight only to bounce right back to where they started.
Mostly, I am so scared of what lies ahead. I've spent a lot of my life thinking that as soon as I was under 200 pounds everything would be different and certain aspects of my life would sort themselves out and I'd be this incredibly happy skinny chick that everyone envied. I am this close to leaving the 200s and I feel completely terrified to venture into unknown territory. I'm worried about losing my identity because being the sarcastic fat girl is what I've always done. I'm worried about gaining some confidence, getting out into the world, and being shot down and not having my weight to blame for it.
I literally feel like I'm shedding my armor and am about to be pelted with all kinds of painful social arrows. I didn't realize that losing weight could be this scary. Hopefully no one hates me for whining about losing weight, it's just that I'm nervous and need to vent and I know I'm going to feel like a jerk the second I post this. Egh.
Labels: Confidence, Struggle, Weigh-In
posted by Meghan @ 7:10 PM
5 Comments
5 Comments:
I think your fear is something we can all relate to very easily. I know it has been the cause of many of my self sabotage episodes.
Now I think of it more as an adventure. Life like I've never lived it before... how exciting!
Congrats on the weight loss.. that is aswome. Stay strong.. your doing great!
I know exactly what you mean. On the one hand, it's a shield, a convenient excuse for not achieving career success, not making new friends or not finding/keeping a passionate love interest.
On the other hand, it sometimes feels as though the fat does the exact opposite and exposes our vulnerabilities: lack of control, not making ourselves a priority or indications that we're lonely or else eating some other emotions.
There is probably some truth to both. But you are right, once the fat is gone, we have nothing to point to as the reason why we've failed.
Congrats on that loss! And don't worry about it being too fast. As long as you are still feeling good, and doing things now that you can continue once you're done, you should be ok.
I'm with you on the fear of losing your armor. But it won't change who you are fundamentally. You'll be the same person, and hopefully you'll work out the fat girl self-esteem problems (you know the ones most have!) without too many difficulties!
Congrats on the loss!
I know how you feel. I recently had breast reduction, and almost didn't have the surgery because I felt having large breasts was so much of who I was. It was scary to go ahead with the surgery, but I'm very glad I did.
I have really never thought of the fear that might be associated with the weight lost. This is interesting...maybe when I lose more weight that this fear will creep in.
I am not worry about you. I am sure you will adapt. I will be praying for you.
Your stats are awesome....great job!!
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