Make Yourself A Priority in 2007

I am so excited to say that I've joined the 12 Months of Health, Fitness, and Fun Challenge.

Everyone should check it out! I have a feeling it's going to be a blast!

Daily Post #60

Calories in: 1220
Calories out: 3350
Difference: 2120

Tomorrow is New Year Eve, a holiday that is marked, in my mind, as a holiday for getting smashingly drunk and counting backwards. I know alcohol is pretty awful as far as calories go, so I'm kind of tentative about how to handle the situation. My friends, when given a good opportunity, are quick and happy drinkers and I'd like to join in on the fun. I'm afraid I'll be too calorie-concious to enjoy the night.

So what is the compromise? Do I eat very little during the day so I can drink all night? Or do I eat normal and drink normal and end up far less intoxicated than my guests? I know that option number two is the "mature" thing to do, but dammit I'm twenty years old!

- - - -

Yesterday the sister and I took my end of the month progress photo. We had taken pictures several months ago in an attempt to kick-start a diet, but it never worked, and when I started this whole thing we used that photo as a "Before" and now take a picture near the first of every month.

Taking this picture is absolute horror to me. I hate looking at the old picture of myself almost as much as I despise looking at the new ones. While I am smaller in the most recent photo, I still feel like such a huge mass of person. I try and keep it in perspective that it's only been two months, and this should be motivation to keep going, but seeing how big I am in an undeniable format just depresses me. I know in 6 months I'll be glad I have the photos, but right now it's such a downer.

Also, my family is all over seeing these pictures. It weirds me out. And everyone knowing that I'm taking these pictures makes me terrified of failing and having to explain to people what went wrong. Maybe this is what The Biggest Loser contestants feel like. With the whole world watching, it's pretty hard to let them all down.

Daily Post #59

Calories in: 1030
Calories out: 3400
Difference: 2370

I've been getting a lot of really amazing compliments about my weight loss in the last few days. All from my family (and somehow comments from people who know you're dieting just aren't as sweet as those from the unaware), but nonetheless welcome feedback to the last 2 months. I'm told that I'm doing a great job, that it's really starting to show, to keep up the good work.

While I am thrilled to be getting these comments from my loved ones, my highschool friends, who I just saw for the first time in 4 months, said nothing. I was sort of surprised, since the response from my family had been so outward and dramatic.

This all sounds so terribly vain, but I wish for once my group of friends would give me some attention. This is really a friend issue more then a weight issue, so I'll leave it for elsewhere. Just a little frustration and at a time where frustration can be at its most destructive.

This is the point where I give up, this is the point where I dive head first into a slow-cooker of meat balls and won't lift my head again until next October when I start the whole fiasco all over again. Everytime I lose about 25ish pounds I seem to hit a wall. And for some reason I am always at my most sensitive in the months of January/February. If I'm going to make it this time, I need to make it through the next two months without getting too hard on myself.

Daily Post #57, 58

Calories in: 795
Calories out: 6366
Difference: 5621

Before I get a call from the eating disorder police, let me explain my wacked out caloric intake of the last few days.

Yesterday morning I ate my usual mini-wheats with skim milk and about an hour afterward threw it all up. I spent the rest of the day sleeping, making occasional trips to the bathroom to throw up. After sleeping for most of the day I felt much better and decided to meet my sister at the gym. Bad idea. I worked out for about 30 minutes before I got tunnel vision and almost passed out. I chalked the day up to drinking some bad milk since that was all I was able to eat all day.

This morning I felt 100 times better, ate my breakfast as usual (sans milk) and was feeling pretty good. I hit the gym this morning and got in 60 minutes of cardio before my stomache started cramping up. Drove over to my parents to pick up some bills and was there for no more then five minutes when I started getting dizzy again. My vision went dark, my stomach lurched, and I rushed to the bathroom. My poor mom made me some tea and soup, neither of which I was able to eat before I decided to get home before I got any worse.

Since then I'm been laying on my couch watching episode after episode of Bridezillas. I've managed to get down a few saltines and have every intention of attempting to eat some soup later on. The thought of eating makes me want to throw up, but I know I need to eat since I haven't had a good meal in almost 2 days.

Ahh, why is it I always seem to get sick on my vacations?

Daily Post #56

Calories in: 1496
Calories out: 3414
Difference: 1919

Went to TGI Fridays with an old friend from highschool and indulged in their Tuscan Chicken Melt with Fire Roasted Red Pepper Soup. Of course, I can't find the exact nutrition info for that, so my calories for today are estimated. I wish I hadn't eaten so much.

I made cookies for her and she forgot them here. They're going directly in the trash. I won't have a bite. I swear.

Daily Post #55 (226.8)

Calories in: 1000
Calories out: 3460
Difference: 2460

Who weighs in on Christmas day after a weekend of holiday eating? I do! I'm down 3.6 pounds this week which I am thrilled with. I'm solidly in the 220's now and hopeing to zip right through them. 223 is my last recorded low weight, in January of 2006, and I'm determined to bust through that and never look back.

A super quiet Christmas for me as I didn't leave the house all day. Watched old movies and stayed in my pajamas for as long as I could handle.

I got an Ipod Nano for Christmas and spent some time today loading it up with fast paced tunes for working out. I got one of those sassy little armbands so I can wear it at the gym and not worry about dropping it. Tomorrow, the nano and I are going to hit the weights and kick some ass!

I haven't been to the gym in...4 days? And I kind of miss it. How strange!

Daily Post #54

Calories in: 1457
Calories out: 3258
Difference: 1801

I feel good about my food choices today. Mom's home cooking is hard to resist!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Daily Post #53

Calories in: 1100
Calories out: 3265
Difference: 2165

One Christmas party down, and I managed to survive quite well. A little family drama kept me away from too much food and I left before desert was served, thus saving my calories from a quick incline.

I did get some nice feedback from the family. One aunt estimated my weight loss at about 30 pounds and I could have hugged her. The dress I purchased about a month ago, the one that I was terrified of not fitting in to, was actually a little big. Atleast I got one good use out of it before it goes on Ebay.

Tomorrow is my real Christmas, the one I love the best, so I doubt I'll be so saintly tomorrow. I'm sure I'm going to sleep like a 5 year old tonight, tossing and turning in excitement for tomorrow.

Daily Post #52

Calories in: 1000
Calories out: 3468
Difference: 2468

Went out to lunch and indulged in their mini-burger, which I estimated to be much higher in calories then they actually were. Because of this, I ended up eating very little else today and fell short of my calories.

I suppose this might be a good thing, as I'm sure I'll make up for it in the next two days with the Christmas festivities!

Daily Post #51

Calories in: 1200
Calories out: 3540
Difference: 2340

Despite the fact that I'm eating less calories then I'm burning, I feel pretty confident that I'm going to maintain this week. I don't know, it's a funny intuition I keep getting. Probably because of the big loss last week.

Mking some fish, drinking a (small!) glass of soy eggnog. Chillin' with the cat.

Daily Post #50

Calories in: 1100
Calories out: 3645
Difference: 2545

Today turned out to be an all-day baking experience. Instead of buying gifts for my closest friends, I decided I would bake some cookies, put them in a nice box and call it good. Little did I know that the cookies I chose to make, pinwheels, take a really freaking long time to make. First you make the dough, then let it chill for an hour. Then you spread on a jelly or some other tasty treat, and let it chill for two more hours and then you bake them. It took me like 4 hours to make 3 dozen cookies.

Plus, making cookies provides a series of obstacles one must face when baking. Do you snack on the unused batter? Can I sneak a little of the jam? Does it count if I put the batter in my mouth, just to taste it, and then spit it out? I get to try a cookie right? Cause you can't give out cookies without making sure they're tasty first.

Because I have zero cooking supplies I did the baking at my mothers. She had to leave at one point to take the little bro to the DMV and I was left alone in an empty house with all of my childhood habits looming. It's strange, when I'm at my own home I have no temptations and feel pretty easy in my independent role as adult, but as soon as I step through the doors of my childhood home, I revert back to being 10 years old. I want to sneak food. I'm curious how much I could get away with without anyone noticing. How much can I eat before someone comes home? There are 20 cookies in the jar...will anyone notice if 4 go missing? I sipped a diet coke and watched a soap opera, all the time praying someone would come home and distract me from my stubborn inclination to binge. I was alone for about 2 hours and managed to keep myself in life. I don't know what it is, but I don't feel safe, when it comes to food, in that house. This, I think, is a therapist topic.

I did have one cookie, but whatever. I worked out a lot today, so I don't have guilties. The cookies I made for my friends are safe in my car for quick delivery and to keep them out of my house - just in case.

Daily post #49

Calories in: 1118
Calories out: 3468
Difference: 2350

Today was the "day off" from the gym which, in my world, now equals 40 minutes on my elliptical at home. I remember not two months ago when I couldn't handle 5 minutes at level one on that machine. Now I'm pulling 40 minute workouts, skipping between levels 2 and 4. My how far we've come.

Taking it easy tonight. I'm currently cooking up some sesame ginger chicken I bought at the grocery store tonight. I'm going to cut it into chunks and put it in a nice salad, with some soup on the side. A perfect dinner for a cold winter night.

Daily Post #48 (230.4)

I had a Biggest Loser style weight loss this week of seven pounds! I could practically hear Caroline Rhea's super sonic voice screaming "You lost seven pounds!" in my ears.

But, and not to be all Debbie Downer, my scale keeps telling me it's batteries are low and I wonder how accurate the number could possibly be. I'll have to stop at the store and pick up a new battery and face the music tomorrow. I did have a few days this week where I felt good - where good = thinner - so I guess it's possible, but seven pounds is kind of hard to believe*.

Calories in: 1140
Calories out: 3370
Difference: 2230

Today, after working out, I decided to try tanning to see if it was something I could get in to. It was also sort of a Twenty Pounds Lost treat to myself too. I was terrified at first that I would break the bed because I weigh so much, or that it would collapse on top of me and I would be squished/burned to death like the girls in Final Destination 3. But everything went fine, I didn't die, and I think I'd do it again. I'm going to see how much my gym fee would increase if I added on tanning.

I ate dinner in such a way tonight that it felt like bingeing and it scared me. Heated up some steamed broccoli, then ate two tangerines. After that I heated up some oatmeal and sprinkled in a few raisins. When I was done with that I ate an ice cream sandwich. It ended up being about 500 calories, but since I hadn't eaten much all day, it worked out fine. I seem to build up a kind of momentum when I'm eating sometimes and have to take a step back and breathe. What's the hurry?



* I changed the battery this evening and weighed myself again before dinner. The number checks out. Woo!

Daily Post #47

A meme I picked up somewhere:

1. Why are you trying to lose weight?

Simply put: to feel better. I'm 20 yers old and I want to act like it. I want to go out and have fun and focus on having a good time instead of focusing on the best way I can sit to distribute my fat attractively.

2. Do you have a reward for yourself once you reach goal?

I haven't thought too hard about this. I would really like to travel to France.

3. What food do you wish had zero calories and zero fat?

Big, juicy, hamburgers. I haven't had one in two months and I miss them so.

4. As you lose weight, what do you find yourself enjoying more?

I like waking up and knowing I'm doing something good for myself. I like haveing the gym as a stable element in my life. I like my clothes fitting better. I like comments from strangers who see my license and then see me and say I look like I've lost weight.

5. What's your new favorite low fat food/treat?

At the moment, Skinny Cow Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Sandwiches. Mmm.

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Calories in: 1304
Calories out: 3258
Difference: 1954

Daily Post #44,45,46

For the last 3 days:

Calories Out: 10241
Calories In: 4145
Difference: 6090

Have no fear! My little disappearance does not indicate a wavering in my will to kick my fat in the ass. I've just been so terribly busy. First there were finals, then I helped my mother out with a ton of Christmas related affairs, then haircuts, and eyebrow waxing, and shoe shopping, and wrapping gifts, and MORE finals. The craziness is not yet over, but I really wanted to take a breather and put a little post up here.

I've been doing well. When it comes to food I sometimes get this strange feeling that I've "figured it out". Without any specific plan I've been able to keep my calories at a respectable level but I never feel like I'm starving or deprived. The compulsion to eat is still there occasionally, and peaks it ugly head out at me mostly when I'm bored, but to date I've had no problem keeping myself entertained enough to forget about the routine of eating when I'm bored.

Exercise is going along swimmingly. The days when I get to the gym I leave soaked with sweat, exhausted, and proud. My routine there has been something like 20-30 minutes cardio, 2 sets of 8 on each of my weight machines of choice, 30 minutes fat burn, and then 2 sets of 8 of a couple ab workouts. I get really into workout out, and it's not uncommon for me to stay there for almost two hours if I've got the time.

I don't want to gloat or act like I'm Supreme Queen Of All Things Diet, but I'm feeling pretty happy, confident, patient. I'm beginning to enjoy the act of eating better and listening to my body when it tells me I'm full. I enjoy working out for the adrenaline I get from it, and a little from feeling like I can hold my own in a gym full of big buff dudes. I'm beginning to feel like I'm finding what I love and that wieght loss might just be a happy side effect.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Daily Post #43

Calories in: 1200
Calories out: 3460
Difference: 2260

My new favorite thing every is to go to the seafood or meat counter at the grocery store and get pre-marinated pieces of chicken or fish. It takes all the work out of it, and I know exactly how much I'm eating. I just pop it into my toaster oven and 20 minutes later I have a super tasty piece of protein. Sure, it costs more than buying a package of chicken breast and going through all the steps to get it prepared, but it saves me in time and frustration, which I think is an even trade.

Snuck off to the gym today without the sister, only because I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible so I could get on with my day. Finals are stressing me out to the max and I needed to get out of the house and work off some of my nerves. I feel better for having done it.

3 more days and I get my life back!

Daily Post #42 (237.4)

Down a little less than a pound this morning, which I guess is good considering the wine-fest that was Saturday.




My eating, when not with others, has become sort of sporadic and strange.

Tonight I had a cup of Annie's Shells and Cheddar, then an hour later I had a cup of Minestrone soup, then Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. And that was dinner.

I sort of like it, but I know that expert food peoples would say I should not be doing anything while eating (I'm usually studying, watching tv, cleaning in between bites) and I should eat it all at once so as not to go out of control without realising. But it's working for me, so whatever.

Calories in: 1100
Calories out: 3400
Difference: 2300

Daily Post #41

The weekend is coming to a close and thank goodness for that. The weekend I spend with the women in my family is usually my most indulgent of the year, because the wine flows freely and the emotional baggage/good times roll.

While I'm not completely sure of how many calories I ate exactly yesterday, I would estimate somewhere around 2500 or so, which is by no means terrible considering I had bout 5 glasses of wine and a rum and coke. Alcohol is the devil when it comes to calories. On the plus side we did a ridiculous amount of walking around as the mall we went to was gigantic and we visited just about every single store.

Nursing a wee hangover this morning I napped on the drive home. The sister and I were both pretty exhausted from the trip, but still managed to get to the gym for an hour of weight-training and ab exercises. We didn't sweat or grunt as much as we usually do, but something is better than nothing when it comes to working out.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm braceing myself for another tiny teeny loss since this week was less than perfect. But that's life. You can't stop living just because you're eating better. Once again, something is better than nothing.

I'm currently preparing some teriyaki chicken and broccoli for dinner and getting ready to settle in for a night of tv and relaxation. Tomorrow is another day.

Daily Post #40

Exercise: 30 minutes stationary, 25 minutes elliptical, Ab routine

Calories in: 1236
Calories out: 3575
Difference: 2339

Going to the gym has become a sort of regular impulse for me. I don't wake up and wonder if I'll go to the gym today, because I already know that I will. It's not that I don't have a choice, it's just that I've already made the decision. I work it into my schedule as a priority. Going to the gym happens the same as going to the post office or the bank, it's an errand I run that just takes a little longer and requires showering.

I'm on the fence about my actual gym though. The staff are nice enough and the patrons have been friendly or mostly keep to themselves. A few days ago a man who was making his way around the gym by doing squats passed by the sister and I while we were doing our ab routine and was cheering us on, really encouraging us to give it our all. Normally I would be horrified that someone was paying attention to me at the gym (I like to pretend I'm invisble and no one can see the sweaty, gasping mess I become when I work out) but I was actually encouraged and worked a little harder.

Something that sort of shocked me though was that last monday as I was leaving they had about 10 pizzas delivered to the gym. They were placed in the waiting area, all hot and cheesy and waiting to be eaten. The smell filled the gym, and my stomache grumbled involuntarily. I;d been so good about staying away from temptation and there it was, in my gym, staring me in the face. What kind of gym supplies copious amounts of free pizza to it's customers? I didn't eat any, of course, but there it was and it astounded me.

The mom, sister, and I are going on another mini-trip this weekend, leaving tomorrow and returning Sunday. I'm getting really good at eating what I want but eating smaller amounts of it, so I feel good about this trip. We'll be gone all day tomorrow so no working out, but back in time Sunday to get in a good gym visit to end the week.

Oh! I wore a pea-coat today that I bought as a sophomore in highschool! With a sweater on! It never fit in highschool, but today I could button it and everything. It was a little lumpy, but nothing that I was embarassed by. I can't wait until I lose a few more inches and it's big enough to wear a bulky sweater underneath with room to spare. Fitting into clothes, so far, has been the best part of this.

Daily post #39

Exercise: 12 minutes stationary, an hour of weight lifting/abs stuff, 20 minutes elliptical

Calories in: 1300
Calories out: 3500
Difference: 2200

This must be the busiest week I've ever experienced.

Daily Post #38

Biggest Loser days always leave me feeling a little...lacking. I know I don't have the time or resources that the people on the show have available to them but I feel like I should be doing more. Believe me, I know that I'm putting in a good effort, but the people on that ranch are going until they drop.

I realize that there were many people who were just as successful at home as those at the ranch, but when I try and push myself a little harder I can'thelp but fee a little...lost.

I'm sure this is just a small blip in my mood and that tomorrow I'll be right back on the "I'm kicking ass!" bandwagon, but right now I feel frustrated.

Exercise: 50 minutes stationary, 10 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes abs, 20 minutes elliptical, 10 minutes sit-ups and what not around the house.

Okay, so when I type it out it sounds like a lot. But, you know. I'm just blah.

Calories in: 1000 (and I had PIZZA today. Need to eat more!)
Calories out: 3800
Difference: 2800

Daily Post #37

Exercise: 30 minutes elliptical (level 1 20 min, level 2 10 min)

Calories in: 1060
Calories out: 3420
Difference: 2360

Spent most of today on the couch working on a project for school. With finals coming up there will be a few days that I spend doing mostly homework and studying, but I'm going to try my best to be sure that I still get some exercise in.

Daily Post #36 (238.2)

Down .4 this week, which I've convinced myself is totally okay since last week was so big. All smiles, right?




Busy school day, followed by a new workout at the gym.

10 minutes warm-up treadmill
1 hour weight training
20 minutes stationary cool-down

I really liked it, except that I wasn't all sweaty and exhausted after leaving. I really like to feel worked out once I leave the gym and today was surprisingly easy.

Of course, we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Florida trip was postponed, so we can put the game-plan for that to the side for awhile. Im'm glad, it gives me more time to get myself under control and gain a little confidence.

Can you tell I'm super tired right now? Man.

Daily Post #35

Breakfast: Skim milk, Kashi GoLean, Banana
Lunch: 2 Wheat tortillas, salad, chicken, ff refried beans, very little cheese, salsa
Snack: 2 clementines
Dinner: Tilapia filet, salad
Calories: 1100

Exercise: 52 minutes bike (level 6-7, 30 miles, hill) & 20 minutes elliptical (level 2)

I stepped up my exercise today, which is surprising since my body was feeling worn out and tired today. My head was so into it, wanting to pedal harder, longer, faster, but my thighs and butt were having none of it. That being said, I did more exercise today than I have been.

Tomorrow the sister and I are going to start incorporating weights into our gym trips. The personal trainer gave us a five day schedule with 3 days of weights and cardio, and 2 days of just cardio. I'm excited to get in there and mix it up a little. We did a few ab routines when we met with him and my stomach has been sore since then so I'm excited to get in some exercise that leaves my muscles a little achy. When I hurt a little the next day I feel like I've gotten a good workout.

I'm doing better with food, which is apparent in my little food logs. I'm only having a little trouble trying to eat more but not get so into eating that I go crazy. When I was making my burritos this afternoon I finished the second one and was tempted to whip up another. I knew I didn't need another one, but it's like once I get into eating I don't want to stop. Today was the first day I felt tempted to binge and was able to hold myself back enough to think about why I wanted to binge and then avoid the temptation.

I might be going to Florida with the parents in about two weeks as an unexpected mini-vacation. My sister seems a little weary that with a week of going out to eat and being in a place where I don't have guaranteed gym access I'll drop the ball and return to my bad habits with a vengeance. I acted a little shocked that she would think that, but I know that she's right. A week of being out of my regular environment is a challenge, one that I have failed many times before. Her calling me out like that was exactly what I needed to start getting my head into the mind frame that I'm going to be challenged and I need to be ready to stick to my guns. Bring it on Florida.

I also had a little tiny anxiety that we might go to Disney and I'd be too big to fit in the rides. But that only happens to very large people right? I really want to go on rides...

Sha-Dizzle asked about the table on the right sidebar that I use to track my weight change. If anyone is interested in plopping a table on the site, here's the code:

<table border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="1" width="200">
<tr align="center"><td>Date</td><td>Weight</td><td>Change</td></tr><tr>
<tr align="center"><td>Enter Date Here</td><td>Enter Weight Here</td><td>Change here</td></tr><tr>
<tr align="center"><td colspan="3">Total Lost: </td></tr><tr>
<tr align="center"><td colspan="3">Weeks: </td></tr><tr>
</table>

To add more rows, just copy the bold line and paste it after that line as many times as you need.

Daily Post #34

Breakfast: Luna Bar
Lunch: 2 wheat tortillas, some reduced fat cheese, ff refried beans, lettuce, tomato, onion, chicken
Dinner: Tilapia filet, salad w/ Lite Caesar dressing

Exercise: 45 minutes bike (26 miles, level 7, hills) & 20 minutes elliptical (level 1, 1128)

I think I'll finish out the week marking down my food and then I'm going to move my food stuff full time over to fitday. I've started recording my food there and doing it in two places is just unneccesary.

Workout today started out a little rough as I'm still not sleeping as well as I wish I was. Once I got going I was really into it to and managed to crank out the 26 miles that I thought was impossible in 45 minutes. I feel pretty proud of todays workout, especially since the last couple of days exercise has been hard to fit in.

Im definitely getting to that period where I'm settling in. Where nothing feels new and shiny and I have to fight the boredom that I guess could come from sticking to a strict diet. I'll be incorporating some different foods this weeks to add a little variety. Some of them aren't "diet" foods, but I like that. I want to be able to have non-diet food in my apartment and eat them in a healthy way. This isn't something I want to be able to do just now, but something I need to know how to do for the rest of my life. Plus, I'm getting in a few more calories which had become a bit of a problem as I was eating only about 600 calories a day. Now I'm getting around 1200.

So I'm going to have maccaroni and cheese at some point this week, and it's going to be delicious, and I won't feel even a little bit bad about it. Just because I make the whole box doesn't mean I have to eat it.

Daily Post #33

Breakfast: Slimfast
Lunch: Subway turkey sub, wheat bread, honey mustard
Dinner: Tomato, Basil, Mozzarella Pannini
Craziness: 5 glasses of wine

Exercise: A few half hearted situps

Day two of crazy busy completed.