#112 Pardon My Bipolar

My apologies for yesterday's sobfest. I think I was just having a moment. I'm feeling much better today, strong, confident, ass-kickin' good. I really appreciate the comments that were left for me, it really chilled me out to know that I wasn't completely insane for being a little freaked out about what's going on with me. I remember reading somewhere that weight loss can mess with your hormones, so I'm going to chalk yesterday up to a wonky hormone day.

Did I mention I got my bathing suit in the mail the other day? I had ordered two size, a 20 and an 18, to be safe, and the smaller of the two fit the best (woo!) so that's the one I'll be bringing with me to Spain. I ordered a black cover-up as well, which looks so cute I can hardly stand it. I'm actually beginning to entertain the idea that I might not be totally appalled to wear a bathing suit in front of my friends!

A pretty average day around here. I spent the morning at my parents finishing up my taxes (need that return money to pay for tequila shots!) and then went to my digital imaging class for a few hours. When I got home I hopped right on the elliptical to get my exercise in for the day. My new routine for days that I don't go to the gym is to use the elliptical for 50 minutes (increasing the resistance every 5 minutes until I reach level 6, and then working my way back to 1) and then doing a whole mess of crunches on my stability ball which I have named Paul. Paul the Ball.

For my march challenge I've decided to use Paul every single day. I'm not saying I'm going to do anything crazy, but it would be cool to be able to do these by the end of the month. For the week that I'm in Spain my goal is to stick to the Couch to 5K program. There's a gym at the resort so I'm going to do my very best to get to it three times to stay on track. That week I'll be doing 25 minute runs. Holy crap.

Good luck to everyone on the March challenges! I'm thrilled to see so many of us sticking with this and I can't wait to see where we all are when this challenge comes to a close (or gears up for year two, who knows!). You're all amazing.

#111 Metaphorical Body Armor (204.0)

It's Weigh-in Monday here at A Better Year and I'm happy to say I lost 4.6 pounds this week. Thanks to this lovely loss if I'm not under 200 by the time I leave for Spain I should be damn close.

I worry sometimes that I am losing way too quickly. Four month ago I was 50 pounds heavier and it feels almost like I snapped my fingers and found myself a mere four pounds from 200. I feel so lucky that this is working for me when other people seem to struggle week after week. I realize this is an excellent problem to have, losing weight quickly, but I don't want to be one of those women who looses a ton of weight only to bounce right back to where they started.

Mostly, I am so scared of what lies ahead. I've spent a lot of my life thinking that as soon as I was under 200 pounds everything would be different and certain aspects of my life would sort themselves out and I'd be this incredibly happy skinny chick that everyone envied. I am this close to leaving the 200s and I feel completely terrified to venture into unknown territory. I'm worried about losing my identity because being the sarcastic fat girl is what I've always done. I'm worried about gaining some confidence, getting out into the world, and being shot down and not having my weight to blame for it.

I literally feel like I'm shedding my armor and am about to be pelted with all kinds of painful social arrows. I didn't realize that losing weight could be this scary. Hopefully no one hates me for whining about losing weight, it's just that I'm nervous and need to vent and I know I'm going to feel like a jerk the second I post this. Egh.

#110 Challenge Update

It's been awhile since I addressed how I'm doing on the two challenges going on over at 12 Months of Health, Fitness, and Fun. I think that finding the challenge back in late December was probably the best thing that could have happened to me at the time. Knowing I've got other people to check in on and other people popping by to see how I'm doing is a different kind of motivation. The challenge has made me feel accountable for my actions, but not in a scary "Don't mess up!" sort of way, in a comforting "if you fall the landing will be mostly soft" kind of way.

My challenge for February was to get less than 50% of my calories from carbs each day.I looked back through my FitDay log and it appears I've gone over 50% seven times, but never by more then 5%. I'm calling this good. It's incredibly hard to eat fruits without kicking your carbs up and basically impossible to eat a sandwich unless you buy that super expensive (and super stingy) law-carb bread. The only reason I chose this as my challenge for February was to make my self more aware of how my calories broke down. I'm really good about keeping my calories low, so targeting a specific part of my calories was just another way to refine my eating.

On a sort of related note, this afternoon I tried those fancy Fiber One bars that everyone is crazy over. While I'll agree that it is completely tasty, I felt like I was eating a rice crispie square, I don't think it's hearty enough to actually curb any kind of hunger I'm feeling. If you've got a craving for chocolate or something chewy this bar is definitely the way to go, but certainly not if you're looking for some hunger satisfaction.

Anyways, back to challenge stuff. The second challenge, starting just a few days ago was to start getting up at 8 AM in order to better utilize my time during the day. The first morning was really rough, but I got through it because I had an eye doctor's appointment and an oil change scheduled. The second day was a little easier, and because I had no errands I was able to get to the gym around 9:00 and o my run surrounded by the kind, unpretentious senior citizens that populate the treadmills in the mid-morning. This morning I decided that since it was Sunday I would give myself a little break and get up at nine. Sadly, my attempt at cheating was foiled as Chandler (my cat) apparently was under the impression that we get up at 8:00 now and was jumping all over my head.

So the challenges are going well in that they're both serving their purpose of keeping my aware and active. With February just a few days away from being over I've got my mind working on what I want to do for the month of March. I have to keep in mind that I've got a trip coming up, so that'll have to play into it somehow. It seems like I'm cheating myself of a good challenge if I make my mission to just keep on doing what I'm doing so I'll have to think of a way to step it up a notch.

#109 Fame! Fortune!

Just a quick post to say thanks to Kimberly at CalorieLab.com for the little write up about my blog! I feel all at once flattered and foolish because this means someone came here and read this and thought it didn't suck too hard. So thanks, Kimberly, I appreciate it!

I think this make me an official Fat Blogger and am expecting my badge any day now. I'm going to sew it on my vest right above my Water Drinking badge.

You can read the profile here.

#108 Group Challenge

Michelle has posed a new group challenge to give up something for 40 days in hopes of turning a bad habit into a good one. After reading the posed challenge I was dumb-founded. What can I possibly give up? I feel like I dedicate so much of myself to being healthy already that I was at a loss for something worth giving up.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I don't have too many horrible habits. Sure, I drink an occasional diet soda, once a week I have an alcoholic drink or two and occasionally I eat frozen yogurt. These are hardly things that it would be hard to give up for forty days because, well, they are the normal things in life that keep me from feeling like I'm on some insane diet.

So what am I going to give up? After thinking about it for awhile I realized the only thing right now that I really want to work harder at is getting more done in the day. I've decided for the next forty days I'll get up at 8:00 every morning. No more sleeping in until 10 every day, no more eating breakfast at 11:00 AM. I think this is totally doable and I'm actually kind of excited to see how I do. I used to be an early riser but my current schedule allows for copious amounts of lazy. Maybe with the extra time I'll even be able to step up my workouts!

The trouble I had thinking of something to change got me thinking about how much I've already given up. There's a conversation going on at sparkpeople about people's worst food confessions. Reading through them I could relate to almost every single one. My worst food was always starchy things like pizza and chips. Near the end of this past summer I would buy a bag of sour cream and onion ruffle chips (the big bag, you know, for a whole family)and eat the whole bag. Or buy an entire frozen pizza and challenge myself to eat the whole thing - really! It was like a contest with myself to see if I could eat it all and usually I'd get about 3/4 of the way through before I had to slow down for a bit to make some room. I always finished the whole thing. In the pizza eating contest, I was always the winner.

What are your worst food confessions? If you've given them up, do you miss them? What have you substituted for that food, if anything?

#107 We Now Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Normalcy (208.6)

A loss this week of .4, an undeserved .4 but I guess I'm lucky like that. I really tested the boundaries with my metabolism this week and I could sort of tell that I was in the back of my mind. I guess you want to see how bad you can be and still get away with it. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, this makes my 200lbs by Spain goal a little far fetched. But, crazier things have happened.

Reasons I only lost .4 pounds this week:

I'm on my period

I had a good sized loss last week

I had a doughnut on Friday (It was delicious)

Drank way too much Saturday night

Buffalo Chicken Salad with REAL Ranch Dressing

I didn't track my calories as closely as I had been

I drank basically no water

I skipped one of my workouts to watch movies on my couch

So! I know what went wrong and I know what I can do to fix it and I'll be doing that all week. Things got off to a great start this morning as I woke up a little earlier then normal and went to the gym. Started Week 4 of Cto5K and had my first set of 5 minute runs this morning. I still can't believe that I was able to do the whole workout without passing out. I couldn't run for more than 30 seconds 4 weeks ago and now I'm busting out 5 minute runs like it's nothing. Well, not nothing, the last one was a little rough but I powered through.

I think I'm going to invest in a stability ball this week. I've been wanting one for quite awhile now but didn't buy one because I doubted my commitment and really didn't want a huge ball mocking me in my teeny tiny apartment. But I think at this point it's safe to say I'm in this for the long haul and would definitely benefit from having one. Via Dietgirl I've been perusing some of the exercises over at trainwithmeonline.com and am itching to try out a few. You know when you're sitting on the couch watching American Idol for like 5 hours a week (seriously, I think it's on for 5 hours this week. It's like a part time job, watching American Idol) and you feel like the time would be better spent if you were doing crunches or something? I think the ball would be a good motivator in that way.

I noticed a disturbing trend in the last week when I sort of loosened up the reins on the diet. I found that I was eating a small breakfast, a small lunch, no snacks, and then a huge lumberjack style dinner. Being that I am a young person I like to go out and now that I'm 21 the prospect of drinking a few Margaritas is always an available option and I noticed that I was squirreling away my calories "just in case" something came up. That ends today. This morning I returned to a normal sized breakfast, am eating plenty for lunch, and will have a nice, normal sized dinner.

What's funny about my unbalanced eating is that now that I've realized what I was doing I feel like I've just dropped 5 pounds of stress from my life. I didn't realize until now that I was really starting to worry about how to have fun and keep my calories down. I kept thinking how can I make it look like I'm not dieting without an explosive amount of calories? When really what I should have been doing was focusing on the fun and not the food/drinks that came with the fun. I'm having such a "Duh." moment. Excellent, glad I've sorted that out for myself.

#106 The Doomed Run

The cosmos were working against me today as I tried to run my last workout of week three of Cto5K. The magazine I was distracting myself with went flying down the treadmill and I had to hop to avoid slipping on it as I ran. Then my jacket, which I was using to cover the clock, slipped off and revealed the seconds ticking away, begging me to count them when I knew it would only make the run harder. And then My headphones kept popping out of my ears and swinging all over the place, whacking me in the face while I'm trying to do work.

I was furious when I finished my run, huffing and puffing, pissed that so much had gone wrong. Then I gained some perspective and thought about how I'd finished another week of the program and maybe these instances were just meant to be obstacles to challenge my will. You know, or something less deep and introspective. Regardless, I was annoyed, but finished the workout and am pumped to start week four.

But! On a much happier note, I received my January Challenge surprise from Jeannie. A power water bottle and a couple of mix CDs, one for working hard and one for cooling down afterwards. I gave them a little test run yesterday and kept cracking up when certain songs came on. So, thank you so much to Jeannie! I love them and the water bottle definitely rocks! (I have your gift but the weather kept me from mailing it so it's going out on Monday! I know I'm wicked late...I'm so sorry!)

Tonight I'm going out for a drink with my sister and then meeting up with a friend for wine and movies. Layin' low and enjoying the weekend. I think that after this weekend I'm going to dig my heels in and throw everything into the next three weeks before my trip. I think the vacation will be that much more relazing if I know I worked hard to get there.

Hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend!

#105 Ellipting My Ass Off

My little corner of the world is in lock down right now in anticipation of "the worst nor'easter in several years". Considering Maine hasn't had a real crazy winter in quite a while, I figure the snow is due. It amuses me that so many people around here get so bent out of shape when it's predicted that we'll get some snow. You live in Maine!

The only problem I have with the snow is that the big storm falls on a day that I had planned to run at the gym. If it snows too much I won't be able to go and that'll put me a day behind on my planned schedule. Not a big deal, just puts a little cramp in my style.

For some reason I was really craving some hardcore elliptical work today, so I hopped on my machine for forty minutes before class and forty minutes afterwards. That certainly took care of that craving! I guess with my trip a mere 24 days away I'm feeling the need to crack down and do work. Oh, and my elliptical needs it's batteries replace - I've never used a machine so much that I had to change the battery! Does this count as an NSV? Haha.

I cooked steak for the first time ever today. That was an adventure. My mom sent me home from her place last night with this juicy rib eye and told me to cook it up for myself when I felt like having steak. I hadn't had steak, or beef for that matter, in quite awhile so I gave it a show. I singed one side pretty bad, and overcooked it a little, but it was delicious. I split it into two meals, one where I just ate the steak itself and some soup, and another where I made the steak into a wrap with a whole wheat tortilla and fat free ranch dressing. Yum!

I'm off to cozy up with some tea and American Idol. Hope everyone's week is going well!

#104 The Ultimate Wardrobe Woe (209.0)

Another weigh in, another 3.2 pounds down! Apparently my body handles the sugar and alcohol that ran rampant in my diet this past week like a champ. Oh, merciful metabolism, I thank thee for being so kind this week.

Now on to the real purpose of this entry. I need a bathing suit. Egh. Urg. Blegh.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here before, but in about 4 weeks I'm going to be taking a trip to Marbella, Spain with some friends for Spring Vacation. I know, how very college student of me. This trip, which I've known about for about 9 months, was only a small part of my motivation to start moving around more, but now that I'm down forty four (!!!) pounds, the urge to get under 200 by March 10th is a strong one. I don't want to pressure myself into time limits, but wouldn't it be so freakin sweet to get on that plane weighing less than 200 pounds!? With only nine pounds to go, I have to believe it's entirely possible.

To the left is the suit that I've chosen. I'm sort of pale so I worry a little about the bright pink, but I think if I go tanning a few times I'll be able to pull it off. To be safe, I ordered two, one in a size 18 and another in a size 20. I have a very small window to find a suit that fits for this trip so I'm not taking any chances. Whatever doesn't fit is going back. So what do you guys think? Will this suit be able to handle for my big hips and not-exactly-taut stomach? I think the scrunch-i-ness in the front (clearly I have no fashion prowess) might hide some rolls, and the almost shorts like bottoms might cover some of the thighs. I ordered a cover-up as well because I know I'll probably never have the confidence to strut around in a bathing suit when not in a pool.

Bathing suits are so terrifying. I should have planned ski vacation!

#103 - Food Porn

This weekend has posed it's own gauntlet of challenges. I knew I had to get in two workouts since I'd skipped a workout on Tuesday, and had some trouble convincing myself that working out on weekend wasn't such a bad thing. Eventually, after much procrastination I put on my big girl panties and just went to the gym. Twice. So workouts happened.

Then, yesterday, I had two dinners. Let me explain, it was planned that The Sister and I would go out that night to get some drinks and an appetizer to share, so when I went to my parents for a dinner visit, I was sure to keep my portions on the petite side. Mom served up some Seafood Florentine, pulled pork, homemade bread, and something called Napa Salad which is basically an Asian salad with ramen noodles and some kind of tangy dressing.

When I arrived at my sister's she wasn't feeling very good, so we decided to call off the night out and stay in for the evening. Due to a lack of options we made our own version of KFCs "Famous Bowls" with corn, mashed potatoes, chicken, and gravy. Again, I kept my portion at a nice amount, but if I'd known what was about to happen I wouldn't have eaten anything at all.

Since we were already in and she'd just received some Netflix we decided to throw an impromptu Movie Night Extraordinaire. She phoned up her brother in law asking him to come over and bring some movie snacks. I piped in that I'd like some Mike & Ike's and figured I'd nibble a few and call it good. Easier said then done.

Here is a short list of what he brought with him: Movie Buttered Popcorn, Twizzlers Cherry Bites (2 boxes), Charleston Chew Minis (2 boxes), Airheads (2 boxes), I large bag of peanut M&Ms, Chocolate covered pretzels, Lifesavers Gummies (2 boxes), Mike & Ikes (2 boxes), and snowcaps. Keep in mind this was for four people to enjoy. Four people! We each made our own bowl of selected treats and when I peered down into my bowl it looked like something Willy Wonka might have regurgitate. A smorgasbord of sugary bliss. It was a child's greatest dream fulfilled. Oof.

So, with all that being said, it should be interesting to see how the weigh in goes tomorrow. I've probably never consumed so much sugar in my entire life, and I'm not even sure how my body handles sugar as it's something I don't eat a whole lot of very often.

I guess I should note that the whole night was a lot of fun, which is totally the point, but man. No one ever warned my about that sort of situation popping up. They don't teach you how to deal with that kind of thing in health class.

Daily Post #100

I've been pretty quiet over here lately, which can only mean that things in my life have been just the opposite. School is in full swing and eats up my entire week. Luckily I'm still finding time to hit the gym as often as possible and will be heading there once I finish this post.

Today is my last day of week 2 on the Couch to 5K program and I'm both nervous and excited to move on to the next week. I'm sure it's going to be like this the whole way through... me being scared that I'm not ready to take that next step. I guess we'll see how today goes before I establish a real opinion about it.

Yesterday I didn't feel much like leaving the house but still wanted to work out. I happened to surf past FitTV while sitting on my couch and decided to give an at-home workout a try. I know a lot of people really prefer to work out at home, for whatever reason, but most of the time I can't stand the idea. I feel foolish going through the motions. So, yesterday I closed the curtains in my living room and did "Kick, Punch, and Crunch Cardio Blast" for an hour. I actually had a lot of fun going through the routine and bouncing around in front of my television. To my surprise, I even got pretty sweaty from the workout! I've never broken a sweat from a workout DVD before - usually because I turn them off before I get to the good stuff.

I doubt the home workout will be something that I do often, and I'll probably just keep it for a back-up option on days when it's too cold to go outside. Plus, you can't hate a workout that allows you to stay in pajamas and socks.

What The Hell Am I Doing?

I've had a couple people ask me what the heck I'm doing to be dropping weight like I am. The short answer is, simply, eating less and moving more. Of course, it's not as simple as that, and if it was we'd all have move star bodies and blogs like this wouldn't exist.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why this time is different for me. What changed in the past year that made this possible for me now when I had failed so many times before? After thinking for awhile I realize there are four things I keep in mind every day, that I never thought about too much before.

1. Break A Sweat Every Day. I work out way more now then I ever have before. I try my best to get to the gym 5 days a week, and work out at home one day on the weekends. Sometimes I really don't feel like going, but I do it anyway. Sometimes I feel like cutting it short, but I never do. Also, I'm using the weights as often as I'm doing cardio. I stretch out before and after. I stay hydrated and keep good music flowing on my Ipod. I eliminate as many distractions as I can and then do work.

2. Getting Over Myself. This may be the hardest thing that I have changed, but I've really learned to let go. Gym Fear has plagued me in the past, and was definitely a contributing factor in past gym experiences. Then, one day I just got over it. I worked out my hardest no matter what was going on around me at the gym. I've worked out in front of friends, friend's boyfriends, ex-crushes, family members, and class mates. As soon as I decided to not let what other people might think about me effect what I was doing, my gym visits became more enjoyable and more beneficial.

3. Water, Water, More Water. I'm told that we lose weight through fluids, and I have to believe that that is true. The more water you drink, the better things flow. Every time I drink water I think of it as a water slide for my fat to glide out on. Plus, my complexion is better then it's ever been.

4. Writing Down What I Eat. This is a discipline that I would encourage anyone to try and get in to. It's enlightening to see where your calories come from and to experiment with different kinds of food to create a menu that's filling and also healthy. I eat about 1200 calories a day and have found that over time I've adjusted to eating that amount and even on days that I don't calculate my calories before eating I usually end up around there anyway. I don't drink my calories, and I snack all the time. Maybe most important is that I eat what I want, so long as I account for it somewhere. If I'm going to have a big dinner I'll have a smaller lunch. If I want to indulge in a big breakfast I'll take it easy on my other meals. I believe that the quality of the food you eat will make or break your success.

So, that's what I'm doing. Just truckin' along, applying my principles, eating and sweating. This is what's been working for me...What works for you?

100 Things About Me (212.2)

Monday weigh in: 212.2, down another 1.4 miraculous pounds this week!

Thank you all so much for your birthday wishes! You guys rock!

In celebration of my birthday and my 100th post to this fatblog I'd like the share with you 100 things about the Megster.

1. My favorite color is green. If I had it my way, everything in the world would be some shade of green.
2. I'm very smart, but very lazy.
3. My biggest fear is dying alone.
4. My second biggest fear is a member of my family dying at a young age.
5. I have two tattoos.
6. I will always regret not performing in my highschool coffee houses.
7. I have one cat. His name is Chandler and he runs my apartment.
8. I created my first website when I was 10.
9. It was a Hanson fansite because I was obsessed with the youngest member.
10. I've always sort of secretly wished I'd studied literature and become an editor.
11. I demanded to be taught how to read when I was three years old.
12. I have killed 5 computers in the last 5 years.
13. I am studying to become a Web Developer - computers beware!
14. No, I do not know how to fix your computer.
15. I hate working, which is okay with me since I'm happy with not having a lot of money.
16. If I could do anything, I would travel professionally.
17. I'm a liberal democrat.
18. Most of my friends in highschool were gay.
19. I graduated highschool in 2004.
20. It feels unnatural when I use agressive swear words.
21. I have one younger brother and an older sister that I love like crazy.
22. I'm so greatful that my family members are as cool as they are.
23. I watch a movie almost every single day. Sometimes more then one.
24. I once peirced my own nose.
25. My next car will be a hybrid; I think they're pretty and I enjoy the environment.
26. If I had been born a boy I was going to be named Mason.
27. If I have children, I think I'll name my first girl Zooey.
28. I've broken my arm three times.
29. I played field hockey in middle school and high school. I was pretty good.
30. I love weird movies about strange people doing crazy things.
31. I played the clarinet for 8 years. The last time I played was my last day in highschool. I have no urge to play ever again.
32. I've never been in a real relationship.
33. Sometimes I get this weird feeling that I've already met the person I'm supposed to be with and we're just not ready for each other yet.
34. A psychic once told me that I had psychic tendencies and if I opened up I would be able to use them.
35. I'm probably the most honest person I know.
36. I watch way too much tv. According to my parents, I've always been a boob tube junkie.
37. My favorite songs are "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal, "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters, and "Motorcycle Driveby" by Third Eye Blind
38. I'm a romantic, but have never acted romantically towards anyone.
39. I can use chopsticks, and most of the time prefer to.
40. I can cry on command.
41. I find the idea of reincarnation comforting.
42. I got caught drinking in YMCA locker room when I was 14.
43. My middle name is Ashley.
44. I don't like anything flavored Peanut Butter.
45. My first boyfriend's name was Dane, we were friends through highschool. Sometimes I miss him.
46. I play the Sims addictively.
47. I like buying presents for other people.
48. When I was a kid I broke one of the glasses from my parents wedding and never told them.
49. I love playing board games.
50. I have a weakness for scary movies.
51. I was a girl scout for a year - we raised enough money for a trip to NYC and then my entire troup quit.
52. I can't watch Karaoke, it makes me anxious to see people embarassed.
53. I swear that I once saw Santa Claus - in clear day - over the park next to my elementary school.
54. I love writing in journals, but am too self-concious to write what I'm really feeling.
55. In my eighth grade picture I have aqua colored hair.
56. I dream that I am running all the time.
57. I find men who are older then me more attractive.
58. I have practically no social skills... it makes me embarass myself alot.
59. I have curly hair that I've learned to love.
60. In elementary school I got a "Smilie!" (warning) for throwing rocks at cars.
61. I used to steal quarters from my little brother to buy cookies at school.
62. I'm a pretty nice person, even if this list might lead you to think that I'm not.
63. My favorie author is Kurt Vonnegut.
64. From the ages of 8 to 10 I was on a swim team. I haven't been in a pool since.
65. I'm more like my father than I like to admit.
66. When I'm older I want to adopt a child.
67. I've seen every episode of Friends at least 3 times.
68. I get my mother flowers on my birthday.
69. I'm afraid I'll never fall in love.
70. I have a fish named Charlie.
71. My ultimate fantasy is to move to Paris and become a waitress.
72. My ears were pierced when I was just a few months old.
73. The smell of hospitals makes me panic.
74. On my 20th birthday I had my gallbladder removed.
75. I love the smell of Noxzema.
76. I like shopping alone.
77. Fall is my favorite time of year.
78. I'm a horrible liar, I've recently realized it's because my dad was a ruthless investigator of the truth.
79. I can hear a song once and remember the lyrics forever.
80. I consider myself a collector of music.
90. I am almost always cold.
91. I wear very little makeup - mostly just eyeliner and shadow.
92. I hate talking on the phone, I don't like not knowing what expression the person I'm talking to is wearing.
93. My driver's license says I weigh almost 80 pounds less then I do.
94. I think people who go against the conveyor belt of schooling are admirable.
95. I lose my keys on a daily basis.
96. I have one single freckle on my lip.
97. I'm a cheap date - I can get drunk from 1 margarita.
98. I love coffee, and own a coffee maker, but never brew at home.
99. I have green eyes that get greener when I'm upset or sad.
100. I am treating myself better now then I ever have before.

Daily Post #93 & 94

Calories in: UNsure
Calories out: Unsure
Difference: Unsure

This weekend looks like it's going to be as challenging as the last few days of been. You know, when it rains it pours and all that. Food is everywhere right now and while I'm doing excellent with portions, pizza is never all that great for you.

But, here's why I'm not stressing out: My birthday is on Monday and it's expected that I'm going to have a good time. And my rings are loose on my fingers, so I'm making progress. I'm certainly not sacrificing fun on my birthday for a digital number in my bathroom.

Tonight I'm having dinner with the family, and my mom is cooking...something. I've been left out of the loop on purpose, but I'm sure it will be delicious and I'm looking forward to enjoying it. Plus, there should be cake, and I do love a little piece of cake.

Sunday is the Super Bowl and I'm making an apple pie at the request of my brother in law. I think we're having Nachos, and dip, and Roast Beef and Cabbage. Kind of a weird assortment, but we like to eat comfort foods while watching football.

Here's another reason I'm not stressing out: I'm wearing pants that didn't fit 2 weeks ago. It's all good.

A weekend of good times is certainly not going to kill me. I indulge more on my birthday then I do during the holidays. It's my time, I do with it what I want.

So I'm not stressing out. In fact, I feel pretty damn good.

Daily Post #91-92

Calories in: 2308
Calories out: 6765
Difference: 4457

I haven't been sleeping very well lately, and it's really starting to get on my nerves. Part of it is my own fault - drinking caffeine so late at night -- and other parts aren't. For example, my cat has this bad habit of getting very rowdy around 3 AM and then pouncing on my head. Also, it's freakishly cold in my apartment, only about 20 degrees warmer than it is outside and February in Maine is basically as cold as it gets around here. I'm not sure what I'm going to do to remedy this problem, short of drinking some liquor and passing out (not the best idea). Hopefully I'll get some good sleep soon though, because it's starting to effect my will to workout. And we can't have that can we!?

- - -

I went to the gym yesterday to do the second workout of Cto5K and found myself in an uncomfortable situation. I wasn't feeling very well (I think I have a cold coming on), and felt a little nauseous, but decided to work out anyway. So I'm sniffling a little, getting ready to start jogging and these two girls come into the gym. Now, I try not to make judgements about people that I don't know, but I couldn't help chuckling at these girls. They were maybe 17 years old, blond hair, super-tanned, and...were wearing matching outfits. Yea.

So these girls walk in and head towards the treadmills. I take a quick look and see that there are only 2 treadmills available, and they are located on the other side of me. I knew what was coming. I was about to be the filling in a Barbie sandwich.

The girls proceeded to help each other stretch out and hop on the two machines on each side of me, giggling like fools the whole time. That's when the worst part of this whole scene hit me: They both smelled strongly of vanilla frosting. I'm not kidding, it was like being enveloped in a giant cupcake. And not in a good way. I was already feeling ill and the combination of gym smell, vanilla frosting, and my achey tummy was just too much.

I finished my workout and sucked in some big gulps of fresh air the second I got outside, glad to be free from that vanilla scented hell. I guess it goes without saying that if I see them at the gym again I'm going to alter my workout to avoid the cupcake girls.

- - -

Today marks the first day of the February Challenge, and I'm glad to be done with January. I don't think I'm built to take in that much water. That's not to say I won't keep on with the hydration, I just won't be guzzling to the extreme I was in January. For February I'd like to keep a better eye on my carbohydrate intake. The last week in January I noticed that I was getting a little out of hand when it came to how my calories broke down. In February I'd like to keep it at about 50% or less, just to assure myself that I'm getting enough protein and fats. We'll see how it goes.

Also, much love to Jeannie, my personal cheerleader for January. Thanks so much for sticking by me!