#114 What Would You Do?
I exercised so much today even my hands are tired. It hurts to type. Ouuuch.
But, what I really want to talk about is this strange issue I find myself trying to sort out:
Not too long ago I discovered craigslist and spent endless hours surfing through all the ridiculous postings from people looking for whatever it is they're looking for. While perusing the "Stricly Platonic" category I found a listing that was a little old but made me laugh, so I decided to take a chance and email the guy. We've been emailing back and forth now for a little over a week, about an email a day, and we're really hitting it off (well, as much as you can over the internet). Today I get an email asking if I want to meet up and see a movie.
So what do I do now? On the one hand I'd really like to take another chance and meet this guy since we seem to have so much in common. But then my mind spins into all the "What ifs..." and I end up hesitant and conflicted.
A) What if he thinks I'm ugly? If I was to meet him I would feel the need to send him a disclaimer before hand ("WARNING: The girl you are about to meet is not a size 2. We suggest you take this into consideration before you ask her out.") just so he knows what he's getting in to.
B) What if he thinks I'm boring? I'm incredibly shy in person, I get shakey, and nervous and usually sweat a little and it's all around not attractive or cool.
C)What if he's a serial killer? Perhaps this should be my biggest concern, considering I've only "known" the guy for a week, and even then it's over the internet.
I'm not sure why I keep thinking of it as a date, when I found the listing in the Platonic section, but that's what it feels like (not that I'd know - I've never dated anyone). What if I accept and meet him up thinking it's a date and then he starts talking about his beautiful girlfriend that he forgot to mention? Woe.
I outlined the situation to my best friend, a girl who is an accomplished serial dater, and she suggested I completely ignore the invitation and just keep on chattering away like nothing ever happened. This seems awfully rude to me, and if I had asked him to a movie and he ignored it I'd feel incredibly rejected.
Have any of you met someone online? Do you have any advice? What would you do?
posted by Meghan @ 9:41 PM
12 Comments
12 Comments:
Hi Meghan, I'd suggest that you give it a go about meeting the guy. You never know what will happen, maybe he'll introduce you to someone you like. Worst case scenario, you'll waste a couple of hours.
I've met a few women via online, let me tell you that generally speaking, it's the women who controls what's happening.
About your questions, he's unlikely to think you're ugly! If you feel sensitive about your weight, it's only sensible to tell him. That way, he won't be surprised.
About seeing a film, I'd suggest going out for coffee instead. It's really hard to get to know someone when watching a film. Also, you'll feel more secure.
Anyway, good luck and enjoy yourself!
John.
As an online dating survivor LOL first of all, be safe. DO NOT MEET HIM ALONE! You really have no idea who this guy is ... try to find out as much about him as possible, name, birthdate, etc. Then go to your county's court website/system and do a search on him. We have one here for Wisconsin, you would not believe how many of the guys I met online had something about them on the court website! Even if he checks out okay, maybe have a friend go with you. If you think he's okay to go alone, make sure a friend knows exactly where you're going and everything about this guy that you do. Set up check-in times with your friend - you can discreetly go to the restroom and call her so she knows you're okay (also a good way to bail if he's creepy - tell her to call you back in 5 minutes and then tell him it's an emergency). I may be going overboard, but it's always better to be safe! Let us know how it goes!
Hiya
My last three boyfriends all came from the internet so I am very much in the pro-camp. However, I would suggest meeting at a neutral place for a coffee first as it can be very akward to sit next to a guy you don't like for 90mins or whatever in the dark. Always tell a friend where you are going and have them phone or text you about 30mins into the date to check on you.
This way round you have an excuse to run if you are freaked out or if he isn't your type, as your friend can claim some sort of emergency.
Just chill and take it up as a chance to meet a potential new friend, and if there is a spark, let it grow at it's own time. Don't worry about being shy and anxious, I am sure he feels exactly the same way!
Hey Meghan, It is Carrie your new partner! Could you please email me your email address at cviel21@aol.com? Thanks!! Ok, so here is my take on this. How about you plan on going somewhere where you can talk? A movie is not a very social thing to do. So why don't you say meet at a Starbucks for coffee or something and then you can sit and chat and it is not dark and there isn't anything taking your attention away from each other. Also you are out in the open with a lot of other people around. If it becomes weird or you get a weird vibe about him, you can up and leave. Always have a friend on call to call you about 30 min in or so, or you call her when you go to the bathroom in case you need an escape!! :) Good Luck!
My experiences with meeting guys online hasn't been all that great, but I know a lot of people who have had wonderful luck this way. I wouldn't reccommend a movie, because then why meet? Go out for coffee, or a relatively enxpensive place that you can sit comfortably for a while. Just talk with each other. It'll be fun.
And if you feel the need, let him know that you are a little sensitive about your weight and that you are a little shy. He'll understand, and probably appreciate the forewarning so he doesn't accidentally offend you!
Safety first! I am paranoid about serial killers. My vote would be just tell the guy you're not comfortable with meeting in person yet, and maybe you can discuss it in the future. Then, as your online relationship grows, you can reveal more about yyour shyness and stuff before you meet him.
I totally agree with the coffee suggestion. It's brief, it's friendly...and pick a place where people are - just in case.
That way, you're not locked into an entire night in case you're not comfortable. I think your way of telling him you're not a size two is actually pretty great - humor is always the best way to disclose that kind of information. Plus, then he won't show up with certain expectations...you're being straight up and honest.
Some people have great luck meeting online - so if you want to, why not give it a try? Just be careful and make sure your friends know where you are. Good Luck!
I agree with what Carrie said and would suggest going to Starbucks or another local coffee type place. Here you can talk, its public and youre not locked into a 2 hour movie.
Or just email him back all of your concerns! I mean honestly, what have you got to lose? Hes probably thinking the same thing...
Just be careful and make sure people know your whereabouts. And if it ends up not working out, well at least you tried.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Hey Meghan,
This is Alana. I agree with what everyone is saying. A movie is a terrible first date...lunch or coffee would be much better. Dont worry about sending him a pic to "warn" him. Be confident in yourself and he will find that so attractive.
Good luck and let us all know how things turn out!
I know I am late and I don't know if you decided yet, but I would definately tell the guy that a week is too soon. Get to know he a little more. Everyone has suggested some great things above. I think a more social place would work for you two, rather than a movie.
Please keep us posted.
I met my husband on-line so would recommend you meet up and see what happens.
It might be fate that you have met online and need to take the next step.
When I first met my husband he had no idea how I looked and visa versa but we knew we had fallen in love without having seen one another.
I agree about meeting somewhere public with lots of other people about you initially. This way you can keep it informal and will have the opportunity to chat whereas at the cinema you won't have the chance to chat too much.
If you don't meet him you might live to regret it!
You must respond but tell him that you want to get to know him better before meeting and that you are enjoying chatting online to him. Even suggest a chat room where you can have a discussion - this will keep him interested until you are ready to meet him.
Whatever you decide goodluck and I am on hand with ANYTHING that might help! Just ask!
Hey - everyone gave you good advice a few days ago on the internet dating thing. Just want to mention that CL has forums, too ... and one of them is a diet forum. I camp out in there alot - stop in and say howdy some time!
Best wishes to you.
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