#126 How The Mighty Fall (195.2)
I'm so upset right now. This week I'm house-sitting for my grandparents while they're out of town and I've been really really bad about food. It's strange how being alone and out of your element can really throw you for a loop. I thought I'd be able to handle myself amongst the cookies and brownies and pastas and every other delicious morsel that is tucked away at my grandparents but I'm doing about as bad as a person can do. How bad? Eating tacos like I'm some kind of speed eating champ, eating giant bowls of pasta with tons of meatballs, more ice cream then I think I've ever consumed, too many brownies to count, little pieces of chocolate here and there, and a whole mess of cheese and crackers.
When I weighed myself Saturday morning I was 191 pounds which would have marked this as a really amazing 4+ pound loss week, but no. I had to go to my grandmother's house and in the span of less than 2 days I was back up to 195. I feel like such a failure. Who gains four pounds in less than two days!?
I guess I can get over only losing .2 pounds this week, but I'm pretty terrified that I've lost whatever I had that was making me do so well. You know - motivation & will-power. I left my grandmother's this morning and came back to my apartment - just to get away from the food for awhile. As soon as I got home I sat down on my couch and just burst out sobbing. I feel awful. Just when I thought I was winning this battle I realize that when faced with a real challenge I might not do as well as I wish I could.
I have to go back there tonight, to a dark house that's full of nothing but trigger foods. If I don't write again before Friday, you should assume that I have drowned in a gallon of cranberry cheesecake ice cream.
posted by Meghan @ 9:52 AM
7 Comments
7 Comments:
Wow - this post really hit home for me. I'd been doing so well myself, and then in the span of a few days I've gotten myself all out of sorts and eating like it's my freaking JOB. I feel like I've lost my magical mystical mojo and I don't know how to get it back. I've been "clean" for about a day now, but I'm still fighting some very strong desires for the foods that I let get me into this mess in the first place.
All I can suggest is that you take over whatever food you need while you are at your grandparents - or maybe just go back when it is time for bed. I know how you are feeling right now, and I hope that you can shake it soon.
These little speed bumps are always going to be there, the test is how we choose to recover from them. :)
Good luck Meghan - I'll be sending you some "you can do it" vibes!!
Take a deep breath... breathe... You probably only gained an actual pound... the rest is likely water retention from bloating (sounds like a lot of the stuff you're eating is high in carbs/sodium).
Try this trick the next time you get the urge to eat: Ask yourself if you're really hungry. Do you feel actual, physical hunger pains? If you do, go ahead and eat. But if not, try and figure out what you do need. Are you lonely? Bored? Tired? Stressed? Sad?
I know it's not easy to do, but it might help you during those taco/pasta moments.
Good luck!
I feel like all I should say is look to the right of your page. Every single week for the past 24 weeks you have shown a LOSS! That is incredible in itself! We are all bound to mess up now and then. And being out of your element, and in a place with TONS of triggers food its going to be hard. You slipped up! Its OK!
The important thing is that youve realized it. Tomorrow is a new day. You get to start fresh! So dont beat yourself up too much and just try to take it one ice cream craving at a time :)
Ditto to all of the above.
And also? To gain 4 pounds you have to eat 14,000 calories in excess of what your body needs. I know a binge can rack up the calories, but it's not 14,000 worth. SO! I'll bet some of that gain is water weight and will come right off as soon as you get back to your own environment.
Ditto to everything! It'll be alright as soon as everything is back to normal. You've done fantastic, and this isn't a failure.
Chin up -we all have setbacks. Think of this as a mini vacay, and you'll be back to your usual routine in now time.
YOU. ARE. STRONG.
Oh girl, I have BEEN THERE!
(and whaaaat? cranberry cheesecake ice cream? I didn't know such a thing existed - and it's probably a GOOD thing!)
You just have to forgive yourself...pick yourself back up, and dust yourself off and begin again. You've been doing SO AWESOME - everyone has setbacks every now and then. Try not to beat yourself up about it (although I know it's hard because I do the same thing) and go guzzle some water to flush all that stuff out of you!
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